6 week follow up

So never mind the actual 6 weeks. ..3 days later and I've been back at the Alex seeing both the physio and my surgeon. This was where I was going to hopefully see some progress in terms of what tasks I can do, what restrictions get lifted.

First up was the physio.  The main message is that all my restrictions on the 90 degree rule, twisting and crossing the midline still apply. So although I'm allowed to theoretically do more, it must always be within those limits.  I got to ride an exercise bike with high saddle, and she also gave me the ok to use treadmill and cross trainer at the gym. She gave me a shed load more exercises to do. I think I'm going to have to ask if I can keep my working hours to 2 per day or I'll be up all night doing the exercises. I asked about doing pilates and she said that would probably be OK,  especially as I'm looking for a private session. But then it occurred to me that it would involve getting to the floor. She showed me how I should be able kneel safely. I tried and my muscles are so pathetic that I fell forward almost breaking the rules if she hadn't caught me. But if I hold onto a chair for support I can make it down there. 

She also got me doing step work.  Now I thought I was doing OK on stairs. Going up I have to hold the railings but coming down, no problems. Except it seems I'm just using momentum. When she tried to get me to take one controlled step it just hurt like hell. God I have so much work to do on my muscles!

I do still have a lot of tightness and groin pain so I will have another appointment where she'll give me some massage to help. That sounds nice but from experience physios tend to have a knack of making you feel like you're going through the ceiling. They find bits that just don't hurt until they touch them. Luckily I can alternate that with hydrotherapy which feels like it does good and is enjoyable.

Overall she was really pleased with me. She said I had a good attitude and was clued up on managing restrictions...despite me having confessed to crossing midline by kicking something with my operated leg.  But it was great to hear I'm generally doing the right stuff. And best of all she gave me clearance to sleep on my side...and on either side as long as I keep a pillow between my legs to avoid my op leg crossing midline. Having just started to settle to better sleep on my back it'll be interesting to see how it goes from now. 

So then on to see Mr Hoad-Reddick, the amazing man who has given me my new hip.  He looked at my scar and said it was looking good. He then examined me as I was telling him how I felt like I was feeling a real hard lump inside my hip area on certain movements. The physio had said that I was possibly feeling the prosthesis itself which was slightly freaky. Mr Hoad-Reddick said the same and said that the muscles will still be healing,  will go into spasm,  will go hard. He observed that I had almost zero rotation in my hip...whichever way he turned it got me yelling.  He could have a future as a physio! As it happened I was initially feeling gutted but he seemed unconcerned and said at this stage it's quite normal.  That in itself was reassuring. As he explained, if the scar is red on the outside, it'll still be red on the inside. I felt a little bit like I was being likened to a piece of steak! But it just hammered home the message that week 6 is when you're allowed to do more, it's nowhere near when you're healed.

In terms of restrictions he's a little more relaxed than the physios in terms of gradually worrying less about seat height for example.  Obviously avoid low soft sofas but going out for a meal I don't need to obsess about safe height as long as I'm not leaning forward too much.  He's fine with my work arrangements as I can arrange for proper seat arrangements which is more important for longer periods of time.  

Biggie thing from him was the news that I'm good to drive :)  I need to make sure I'm not breaking the rules  (my restrictions,  not the highway code. Though I probably need to not break that too much either)
And the other thing I got from him that I really wanted was my xrays. Below are my pictures from my pre op xrays from November,  and post op with Horace in place 

He'll be seeing me again at 12 weeks but was happy with everything as it stands

When we got home I tested my hip and my nerves behind the wheel, just round the block which was enough for now. I felt stupidly nervous! We also tested the kneeling again and also tested whether I could lie down on the floor.  It took a bit of manoeuvring but I got there, lay on tummy, rolled over onto back and got up again. It sounds daft seeing that in writing but it felt a bloody big deal.

So it now feels like I've passed a significant milestone.  Yes things still hurt. The last week I've been more swollen and had more groin pain. I've been back on painkillers a little. But I'm reassured things are going OK.  

And work is also going well. Being easter holidays seems to have helped as emails have been far less than expected.  My brain still feels a little fried but when I've been able to step in on something and turn it round it feels good. Definitely glad I'm doing this phased return though.  Especially after all my new homework the physio's given me!   

Week 6 but no magic yet

So I'm now at week 6. This is something of a holy grail to some of us. When you have surgery by the posterior approach there's all these restrictions put on you, and 6 weeks is the magical time when some of these are lifted. Not all, and it doesn't mean that all of a sudden everything is perfect. But it's certainly a point I saw as a bit of a milestone. Except now that I've got here it's rather underwhelming.  

During the past week I'd made real progress with my walking.  I was doing great on one crutch, walking a couple of times each day, doing about 1.5 miles each time and feeling great.  Over the weekend my legs were feeling tight and heavy, the skin felt as if my legs were swollen though they didn't look to be that bad.   Big yes, fat yes, swollen not especially.  I've rested up this weekend and put my legs up. When I say up I do mean literally up, very elevated.  I've had swollen legs before when we've cruised and found I could relieve by lying with legs right up. After one day I lay on our cabin bed, legs up the wall. I even managed to sleep in that position for an hour and a half. This time round I'm not athletic enough to go quite that far but a good pile of pillows against bed headboard and some care in moving myself and I wasn't too far off.  And it seems to have paid off a bit as I feel slightly less  tight skinned today.  Maybe I'd just overdone it last week but I hope not as I'd really felt good doing it.

At the time of the feeling swollen and retreating to rest, it felt that I'd been really knocked back. I'd plateaued at what seemed like a time I should be moving on and feeling positive.  Saturday evening the tears came. That was a shock as I'd been feeling good then wham, the emotional hammer comes out and clobbers me big time.  Sometimes it's easy to rationalise things. Sometimes it's just easier to cry. 

Anyway, 2 days lazing and then today I decided to walk outdoors totally and completely crutch free. Last few times I was out it seemed that the crutch made for harder work on our wonky paths, and I'm not using them at all indoors. So I planned a short stroll,  just over half a mile.  As I'm typing this it's calm and sunny, but when I went out it was grey, cold and very windy, so I am getting in meteorological excuses already, but strewth it was hard work. No pain from Horace,  he was fine but I felt what I know I am...overweight and out of shape and hugely out of condition. My legs hurt, my left calf felt like I'd run a mile. Or what I might imagine that feels like since I just don't do running.  And my left calf isn't even in the leg that's been operated on!  I might go try again in a little while. Maybe carry stick even if I don't intend to use it.  I'm not trying to be too ambitious.  At 4 weeks the physio was saying I could expect to be crutch free by the magic 6 so it was only a gentle test of what I'd been told to aim for anyway. 

All in all today has felt a bit meh with what feels a bit like a fail in the walk department. Ironically as my walking seems to be going backward I have had a bit of progress in terms of getting some sleep. I've been getting more continuous less disrupted sleep time, which is good. The not so good is that it generally starts around 2 am and I've managed to sleep in late. But with starting work again tomorrow I'd like to get back into a more normal sleep pattern.  I'm only doing 2 hours, I'm working from home and my boss doesn't mind how or when I do it but I want to be able to be organised and fit in with exercises and walking. If I'm not hauling my arse out of bed til gone 9 it's going to get messy.  Truth is I'm quite scared about working. As I feel tired.  As I can't sit for long. As I'm wondering if I left stuff in a mess for others. As I'm not sure how to do such short days when I've worked stupidly long hours for too long.  Once people know I'm online I have to manage things so they know I can't deal with everything.  I'm not good at saying no but guess that's a skill I need to master quickly or I'll sink! 

Another reason for feeling a bit flat I think is due to the fact that although I have reached the magic 6 weeks, nothing actually changes until I see the doctor and physio on Thursday.  It's when I see them that I'll get the go ahead for driving (I hope). I'll also hopefully be told I can sleep on my side. I'll find out what my restrictions are in terms of sitting below my safe height. Having said that I may carry on with cushions while it feels like I'm sitting on a bag of marbles.  I still find it incredible that with an arse the size of mine it feels like I'm dead bony when I'm sitting down.  I'll find out if I'm allowed to ditch the bath board and step into the bath and have a shower. Just things that might seem no big deal but will make a huge difference to me.

Quick update...took a break from blogging to go back out for another crutch free walk. Just half a mile but felt a bit better. Maybe I used the stick more than I thought I was, or maybe it was a combination of lot of walking last week and none over weekend,  but it just feels now like I'm normal but unfit.  Hip was no issue,  even back was ok but ached in knees and ankles in both legs.  But no waddling!

So I'm just out of condition. Hopefully on Thursday I'll get told I can go back to the gym too. The Wii was mean to me again on Saturday and put another pound on me :(  Another reason to dread work...when I go back into the office I may not fit in anything!

3 more days then it might all change a bit.  I'm at 6 weeks now but not had the magic wand waved to lift restrictions.  I'm aware the wand has a downside in the form of clamshells.  That means in return for saying I can do stuff they make me do more exercises. Clamshells are some of them. And they are evil. But given the option of staying in this meh place I'll take it. 

Who cares

This post isn’t so much an update on my progress but a chance to acknowledge that for many of us hippies going through the build up to surgery, which can be pretty darned stressful in itself, and then recovering from surgery afterwards, we’re lucky enough to have support around us.  Whether that’s a spouse, adult child, sibling or other family member, or close friends/neighbours, it’s great to have somebody there.  And while a lot of us like to think we could manage pretty much OK on our own, I think that just knowing there IS somebody there is a lovely psychological safety net to have there, even if you don’t think you use it much.

I have to admit that on the day I found out I needed surgery I wasn’t exactly in the best mood with my hubby, and I said as much in one of my early posts to this blog.  He was there telling me all the common sense stuff which quite frankly I didn’t give a toss about right then.  I just felt at a real low and wanted to be upset and vent, cry whatever.  Having common sense pointed out to me was irrelevant – I just wanted a hug and to be allowed to feel scared, upset, angry and hating the world.  He should’ve known from that moment that he wasn’t just there to be a physical helping hand but also something of an emotional punchbag, and I suspect that’s true for many of the poor souls looking after us!

I admit that when I first started thinking about the implications of surgery, having Kev looking after me was up there as quite a big thing.  Kev gave up his crappy day job a year ago to work full time on his mobile disco business (blatant plug for anybody in the area needing a disco, check out KL Music, http://www.klmusic.co.uk )  This meant that on the plus side he would be around pretty much 24/7; on the downside it meant we’d be together pretty much 24/7.  I did say to several people that I thought we didn’t need to worry about my recovery time as we’d kill each other long before then!  Kev and I were both separated/divorced when we met.  I’d had 4 years on my own since splitting up with my ex husband.  Even after we met it was another 5 years before he moved in.  It took a bit of getting used to when he did move in but I quite liked him and shortly after that he’d got me one of those ring things for my left hand so I figured he might as well stay!  But we both worked full time and over the past couple of years I’ve also been doing a lot of travelling with work so it’s fair to say we haven’t exactly lived in each other’s pockets.  And I admit I like my own space.  So the thought of being together 24/7 with me not being in a position to just get up and go do my own thing (let alone head off to Gothenburg for a few days) got me seriously a bit worried!

It wasn’t actually as bad as I worried about.  We’ve got more than 5 weeks in and no knives have been drawn in anger, no crutches used as offensive weapons.  But there are just things that I know are also felt by other hippies being looked after by their spouses.  It’s those things that make you have to grit your teeth a bit and reminded me of when I first became a mum and watched my now ex husband doing baby stuff.  They don’t do it right.  Or rather they don’t do it exactly as we would.  I know this makes me sound like a total control freak but probably like many people there’s things I tend to do, there’s things he tends to do.  And when he’s doing something I do but doesn’t do it just as I do it then he’s doing it wrong. Simple as!  I knew I had to be patient over recovering; I hadn’t planned on having to be as patient over things he does wrong, I mean differently.

 

Then there’s the time.  I had to make allowance for the fact that Kev was actually at home with work to do.  He’s also fitting in a ton of stuff we’re doing round the house.  That house stuff all started last year and he’s had things nicely planned with a routine of when he fits housey stuff in around the disco work.  What wasn’t on the plans was having to take time out for hospital trips, hydrotherapy sessions, visits to the shop to get me stuff and taking longer as I insist on going too.  Must remember he has a life and work in all this. And there’s me thinking it’s all about me :)

In terms of what I’ve had to rely on him for I was really bothered about having to let him do loads.  I just haven’t felt that ready to give up my independence, it knocked my confidence and self esteem to think I couldn’t do stuff.  In the beginning there was a long list of things I thought he would have to do for me.  I envisaged him having to help me physically get into and out of bed , help dress me, shower/wash hair, fetch and carry, feed me (I don’t mean literally with a spoon making aeroplanes so I opened nicely and swallowed…and on typing that my mind has gone into a totally different direction, gutter-ward as usual…stop right there!!).  But as it happened I was able to do much more for myself than I expected.

• Bed: Having had to do this in hospital on their single beds this was a doddle most of the time at home.  I think maybe one or two times when it hurt a lot he helped lift my leg on, and also when I was raising my legs on a pile of pillows he had to do the lifting bit there.  But otherwise I’ve managed that myself
• Dressing: I have a grabber which I thought would help me pick up things but they show you how to dress with it.  So he’s off the hook there
• Socks: I have this ludicrous thing called ‘Soxon’ which looks like a bike seat but is bloody brilliant.  5 weeks on I still love being able to get my socks on with it
• Shoes: I bought some slip on trainers or wear slippers, and as I have a long handled shoe horn and know how to use it I’m Ok there.  Just a couple of times when the weathers been shitty and I’ve wanted to go out in proper trainers he’s had to do laces up
• Showering:  I have a bath board and after a trial run we realised that as long as Kev has taken the shower head off its hook I can get myself on the board, use the grabber to pick up shower and close shower screen, and then wash hair and me all by myself
• Carrying:  I use a small bag and put all my essentials in it so I can hoist that with me when I go downstairs in the morning and to bed at night.  During the day I just get up, engaging crutches as need be in earlier days, and get things myself.  Until I was comfy carrying on one crutch he had to help with heavier things
• Feeding: Right from the start I could stand to make stuff in the kitchen so Kev just made sure things were to hand.  This might mean getting pans out of the lower cupboards or making sure things were in the top part of freezer.  Luckily the Ben & Jerry’s was already positioned top shelf so no danger of failing to reach that :) But once cooked I did need help at first carrying plates of dinner through until I was more steady on one crutch and the plate wasn’t too full/heavy
• Laundry: We got into quite a good routine.  I used my grabber to drag stuff out the dirty washing basket and sort.  Kev would lug downstairs and put in the machine.  I actually could also do this for myself with the aid of trusty grabber.  I also figured out how to get them out the machine and haul into the tumble dryer with no bending.  Lately I’ve even made him redundant on taking the full basket of clean washing back upstairs when I could hook it with my grabber and drag upstairs behind me.  The only bit I needed him for totally was taking full basket downstairs.  I did try the grab and drag approach but the basket slipped and nearly sent me flying downstairs on one occasion.  I gave in gracefully at that point
• Dishes: I could stand and wash dishes quite early and did a lot of that to make myself feel useful.  Ironically I could do that quite easily but couldn’t load the dishwasher.  Which meant watching Kev load it ‘differently’!

It was important for me to be able to do as much as I could.  I felt I’d achieved something if I hadn’t had to ask him to do everything for me.  Sometimes if I’d just sat down it was easier to ask him to get something I’d forgotten as it might take a while for me to get up, get on crutches and hobble over, but most things I could do and that made me feel a lot better.  The whole post-op recovery process is a big emotional thing, not just physical.  Being in this sort of situation was a change in our relationship, and I was desperate that he still saw me as the wife he knew and mostly loved, and not just as his patient.  Much as I could throttle him at times, I still wanted him as my husband, not as my carer.

As my recovery has gone on things have settled much better.  Although I can’t drive yet I can get out so am taking myself for 2 walks a day as much as possible.  This lets me have that time to myself, gives him some space when he knows I won’t be pestering him…and it gets my step count up :)  I do appreciate all he has done and still has to do.  Not least of all feeding the cat which he hates doing.  And I also like the fact he appreciates when I am trying to do things for myself.  Sometimes I’m sure he’s wanted to step in but he’s let me get on as he knows it matters to me.  I know many people go through this on their own.  Looking at what I have done I’m sure I could have managed if I had to but I’m bloody glad I didn’t.

5 weeks, worth the weight?

It’s amused me sometimes to see FB posts asking about the weight of a hip implant, compared to the old bone.  I think they’re usually from people looking to attribute some weight gain to this alien body part we now carry round with us.  It’s something I’ve followed with some interest but also disappointment as nobody has yet said that a titanium hip weighs 12 lb more than the natural one that’s been removed.

My weight has been something of a personal battle for ages now.  During the first half of 2007 I did get down below 10st (140lb for the benefit of US folk who often have no idea what these stones are that us Brits talk about).  But it slowly crept back up…and up…and up.  So 10st became the magic goal figure and several times I’ve got right down close to there only to be sabotaged.  Christmas, holidays, business trips.  Obviously it is never my fault.  It just happens.  Just under 3 years ago I started doing 5:2 intermittent fasting and did slowly lose weight, as well as see other health benefits.  And I found it something I could do quite easily, and if social reasons meant I missed a fast I didn’t get hung up about it, just picked up later and got back on track.

This Christmas was no different, with a few pounds creeping back on but what was different was that I didn’t lose it again as by then my mobility was pretty slug like.  I don’t mean I left slimy excretions where I walked.  Just that I was very slow. VERY slow.  So I went through January carrying a few pounds over the 10st mark and then came up to surgery.  I knew that I should knock fasting on the head around surgery and focus on healthy eating.  So I did knock fasting on the head.  As for the healthy eating…errrr that’s where things didn’t go as planned.  Working from home the week before the op I was doing too much comfort eating and managed to put on a few more pounds.  But I’d heard that healing uses up around 5000 cals and people lose their appetites after surgery so all would be good.  Except I never did lose my appetite. For anything.  And of course the people who came to visit are the ones who know me best and inevitably turned up with chocolate.  And I love them for it.  But the scales haven’t taken so kindly.  

My scales actually can be a bit dodgy.  Recently they showed me having gone from 10st 3 to 9st 8 in a week, which was something I savoured for a while before admitting it was an error.  But I use my Wii fit and that seems reliable, if less kind.  Last weekend that showed another 4lb on, which meant a total of 12 since the week before my surgery.  Yesterday I was a bit nervous getting on it but there was no gain.  No loss either but no gain. Big sigh of relief.  Then a bit of feeling of annoyance as this past week I’ve been doing lots of walking.  I even got in a 10000 steps day on one of them (admittedly the evening was spent doing a bit of pacing round the house and inventing excuses to go into the kitchen to hit the magic number).  But although I’ve been doing lots of walking I’ve also been doing lots of eating. And eating rubbish.   I partly want to go back to fasting but with my sleep being as it is I am tired and feel I need to eat a breakfast, and once I’ve done that I just can’t fast enough of the rest of the day.  So it looks as though I will have to actually just eat better.  On my last week in the office I had stopped fasting but wasn’t pigging (as I was busy working) and did actually drop a pound.  So if fasting isn’t an option then discipline has to be.  I have actually braved trying on clothes as I was convinced nothing would fit me and I was meant to have been going out for a meal on Wednesday evening with some friends.  But yayyy there are 2 pairs of jeans I can get into.  A little more snug than they should be but not quite venturing into camel toe department.  And as I found out today that meal out has to be postponed I have time to lose a few pounds.  Though I did wear one pair today and survived! I also tried on one of my pairs of work trousers, the largest pair that I’d stopped wearing as they were getting too loose.  They are snug.  I need to lose weight to get back in them and have 3 weeks to do so.  That’s a target and so at least I have something to aim for.

Yes, I will be back in the office in 3 weeks.  I spoke to my manager a few days back and we’ve agreed I’ll spend the first 2 weeks (from immediately after Easter) working a few hours a day from home, then start doing more hours and going into the office.  By mid May (12 weeks post op) I’ll be back full time and in the office.  During that transition time I’ll have a parking permit and access to higher chair/desk.  I think I’ll still be taking my cushion in as it still feels at times that I’m sitting on a golf ball in my right bum cheek.  Part of me is looking forward to getting back to some normality but part of me is bricking it.  Apart from maternity leave I’ve never been off for more than a couple of weeks at a time so I’m slightly scared of what I’m going back to and hoping I didn’t leave other people in too much mess.  I’m also a bit worried at making sure I am only doing a couple of hours or whatever for the first few days, and not getting sucked into more and feeling I’m drowning under workload, which got to be the case over the past couple of years.  But hey ho, got to bite the bullet and see where we go.  I am determined NOT to let work be as all consuming as it was so maybe this whole hippy thing will have been worth it for that alone.  And 2 weeks after I go back full time I have a week off and 4 days in the Moroccan sunshine to look forward to :)

As for the hippy stuff, well that just goes on pretty nicely during my days, and still continues to be horrible at nights.  I’m getting in walks most days with no problems, just one blip on Saturday.  I’d been doing quite a bit and comfortably on one crutch, and then on Friday night I took a tablet to help me sleep.  It wasn’t like a knock out pill but I did sleep more.  Downside of that though is that it meant  I was ‘set’ in one position for a while, after a day doing quite a bit.  Saturday morning I did feel a bit heavy though not hurting and decided to walk as normal.  As we needed stuff from town I decided to walk there and as far back as I could.  Last time I’d done it I got Kev to pick me up for the last half mile but thought maybe I could do the whole lot.  Wrong!!  My back started hurting on the way down and by the time I got to Tesco I was in a lot of pain and rang Kev to pick me up there and then.  Felt gutted and wanted to cry.  I hate having my hip doing OK but then my bloody back throwing me out.  Anyway I went home, rested, ate more chocolate and did feel better so tried again in the afternoon and successfully managed just under a mile.  Was good to have my old determination back and not let it beat me.

And apart from that blip it’s pretty good.  I’m getting slightly obsessed with step count, distance and pace.  MapMyWalk and my fitbit dashboard are serving as my conscience as well as motivation.  I’m even planning my times when I charge the fitbit so I don’t miss out on steps.   Yesterday we went round Shakerley Mere again, a little quicker than before but inevitably have to make allowances for stopping to admire views, watch birds etc.  I did try not to get too obsessive over pausing my MMW workout but I still get disappointed at an apparent slow pace. Today we went into Chester.  That meant sitting for a car drive of just over half an hour, then a short bus ride, before the walk around the shops.  I took my cushion along – I can’t face sitting on anything without a bit of padding above my own.  As Kev went off to get his hair cut I wandered round the shops on my own.  I had fancied looking at shoes but realised I couldn’t reach my feet properly so shelved that idea and took comfort in the scarf section.  I have a bit of a scarf obsession and seeing nice scarves and the sign ‘sale, 60% off’ was too god to resist.  I did only buy one though.  Most unlike me.  We also went to a café for lunch.  I say lunch but it was actually just a hot chocolate and a pain au chocolat pastry.  Ok so the healthy eating plan hasn’t kicked in yet.  But leaving that aside it was a success in that Horace sailed through with no problems.  I ended up only taking one crutch – I had thought I’d take the second as a security blanket but decided it was more hassle.  And I really didn’t need it.  After having the bus and car journeys back home I was a little tired but still went for a walk later.  Did 1.5 miles round trip to a local mini supermarket and emerged with a chicken pie and nothing chocolate.  I will have vegetables with it tonight – healthy stuff going on here!

So my daytimes are generally great.  Evenings get ropey as my feet start to swell up a bit and once I’m in bed…well I won’t moan any more about that.  But 5 weeks in I’m starting to feel a lot better.  I realised today that even with my one stick I’m walking far better than pre-op when I had a marked limp.  At home I’m often not using the stick at all for short bits and the limp is very small.  If I walk slowly and carefully I may feel where it’s tighter in the new hip, but you probably wouldn’t notice anything if I didn’t point it out.  I am now walking the stairs like a normal person, one foot on each step and not the geriatric shuffle.  I have also managed to do loads round the house including putting washing on the line.  Silly little things but I feel stupidly over-excited about them.  If only I was allowed to climb ladders I’d be doing other bits but even I have my own sense of limits.  It’s nice not to have to rely on Kev, being his patient isn’t something I ever particularly relished.  Not that he doesn’t care or do his best but I just want him to be my husband, not my carer.  And on a Sunday morning when he’s been working the night before it means I’m not waiting until he surfaces to be able to do anything.  I still haven’t figured out a way to feed the cat though so she suffers.  And not in silence. I do have one of the noisiest cats ever and she hasn’t yet figured that shouting at me for food will get her nowhere.  But vocal felines aside it’s all coming together.  Now…chocolate or fruit???

29 days, something in the water

And that something would be me:)

Due to my restrictions I'm not allowed to sit in a bath until 12 weeks after my surgery.  It's killing me some days!  When I'm at my achiest I just want to go run a deep hot bubble bath to make me feel better and I just love baths as an escape to relax. It is unbelievably frustrating that I can't do that.  I sometimes wonder if I could analyse my blog posts how many times that F word would come up as it is one long voyage of frustration. And given my propensity for profanity it's quite impressive that it's not another F word up there.  I assure you that in my head and home, if not written here for public consumption, I am rarely exclaiming 'my, this is so frustrating'.

Anyway baths have been put on hold but today I got to enjoy something of a substitute with my first hydrotherapy session. It's been an odd way round to get it. As far as I was aware I would see a physio in hospital,  then be given exercises to do at home, and then next time I'd see a physio would be at my 6 week follow up.  Personally I would have preferred having the option of more physio as I think it's great to get directly assessed as to how well you're doing, making sure you're doing things right and not developing bad habits. But it wasn't to be.  Then in hospital on either the day of or day after my surgery,  my surgeon said something about some 'fast track' option with hydrotherapy.  But it was more mentioned in passing and at that time I didn't really take it in, probably due to other things I'd taken in. Namely some bloody good drugs! 

Later I dragged the memory up and asked his nurse about it but she said to just do my exercises and come back at 6 weeks. I did start to think I'd had some kind of druggie hallucination and forgot about it. Then around 3 weeks post op my back was hurting so I called the physio for some advice and she said they could see me early and refer me for hydrotherapy if I was interested. If? Do Liverpool fans enjoy seeing Man Utd lose? All I then had to do was check my insurance would pay for it which they were fine with, and there I was, booked in.

I had to go to a large Total Fitness centre that is nearer to us than the hospital is, so quite handy.  We had a bit of faffing round as Kev had to come poolside to some large disabled changing cubicles right next to the hydrotherapy area. Because I'm not yet 6 weeks I needed to be accompanied for changing.  So no grabber or shoehorn,  just Kev as a pair of helping hands.  Which has really made me appreciate my grabber! That's not a dig at Kev but it seriously would've driven me nuts if he'd had to dress me, put my socks on each day. Think it would've driven him nuts too. Much better that I can be independent, I really don't like being a patient to my own husband.

Anyway faffing done with I got to go in the pool. Which was beautifully warm (though sadly lacking in bubble bath!)  I had hoped it wouldn't be a large group and was pleased there were just 4 of us; a lady and man who'd both been before, and myself and a man 6 weeks from his hip replacement who were hydro-virgins. Our physio was in the pool with us and having made sure we knew to beware of the heat and drink plenty (jugs of water set out on the pool edge and we all had cups with our names written on, nice touch!) she got us going. 

We started with just walking normally in lengths of the pool, then walking bringing knees up to chest, or in the case of me and fellow virgin,  knees up to within the 90 degree limit. Then various other walks, sadly no John Cleese styles, had us on tiptoes, on heels and kicking our heels to supposedly kick our own backsides. Yeah right, I've got that flexibility! We did sideways walking (no restrictions on how far apart you can spread your legs...fnaar,  fnaar) then threw in squats before jogging and jumping. Then for our finale we had to pair up, I was with fellow virgin man, and stand back to back then interloop our noodles. In case you're wondering (I would have been) noodles are those long floats in a tube shape. So once linked, the ladies then had to take the lead and walk lengths while the men literally lay there and put their feet up allowing us to drag them through the water.  When we swapped it was actually  quite a tummy workout to lie flat while being towed.  From my perspective it's the first time I've pulled a man in God knows how long...I'll get me coat!

The whole session lasted around 45 mins and was a good workout while the warm water made it feel much easier. But I did still feel it in my back which was where the very end bit came into its own. The pool is roped across so all the exercises are done with us walking on the floor of the pool. The far end of the pool drops right down to be much deeper. I'm not a good swimmer and don't like being out my depth but we were given 2 noodles under each arm so we couldn't do anything but float and just hanging there gave my back a lovely stretch. It was so warm and relaxing, and getting out was awful as my legs just felt so heavy afterwards.  During this evening I've felt like I've had a full gym workout and am sure that tomorrow will be worse. I was warned that this would be the case but apparently it gets easier. And I'm happy to put that to the test as I've booked myself in for another session next week.

I know I feel really lucky to have got myself onto this more by fluke than design. To anybody reading this I would definitely recommend trying for hydrotherapy if you can. As far as the UK is concerned I'm not sure whether it's available on the NHS, it'd be a bloody shame if not. I'd ask for it, nothing to lose and if you get lucky then you get a real treat.  

4 weeks, seeing progress

Well if 3 weeks was when my head started to come together and accept my progress, or as I was starting to see it, lack of progress,  then 4 weeks has been the point when I am starting to see real changes. It's not some dramatic epiphany, I haven't suddenly picked up my bed and walked.  What has happened is that I'm now seeing results from my acceptance of having to slow down and take smaller steps to go forward.  Which is good even if I have felt like I've had a bit of a dose of humble pie.  (Dose? Probably should be slice. If it's a proper pie, pastry all round, not a stew with a pastry lid. That is NOT a pie and never fails to disappoint me if it's what I end up with if I order a pie)

Ok first happy dance...last night I had my final injection.  That is a REAL BIG DEAL!!!  I am genuinely stupidly proud of myself for having been able to do this, as I really thought I wouldn't be able to.  Last night as I depressed that little plunger for the last of the 28 doses I've had, even Kev said he hadn't thought I'd be able to do it. Admittedly I do have a belly covered in bruises but my time as a human dartboard is over.

Sleep...sadly little change there. No longer painful but still intermittent. Am kind of resigned to it now. Some days I catch up with daytime naps, some days I'm dog tired (autocorrected to digitised before I decorrected it!)  but just can't sleep. What's really frustrating is waking up at stupid hours when I've had little sleep the night/day before. Like now. It's 2.30 am and I couldn't sleep so for once got out of bed. Maybe I should issue a warning at the top of this post that part of it at least has been written when in tired, grumpy, sleepless state and at a frankly bloody unsociable time.  Note that text is inserted out of real time context so some may have been written while half asleep, some 12 hours later.  These blog posts get started and picked up and edited in all kinds of weird ways to fit time!  Anyway...sleep, I saw the physio today and was told to stay on my back for 2 more weeks but that from 6 I can sleep on my operated side.  They really don't want their patients sleeping on good side, even with pillows between legs.  So for now I can lie on my back and see Kev if I look to my left, but not allowed to roll over for a cuddle.  My 'progress' will see me able to roll to turn my back on him completely!

Walking...now this is where it gets good :)  My outdoor walking with 2 crutches has got loads better, even though the pavements are still horrible. I'm now generally doing a couple of walks a day, around 20-25 mins each.  Not that quick, I'm only covering about 0.8 miles in each.  I know that as I've now got a minor addiction to MapMyWalk. Between that and fitbit I'm turning into my own Big Brother.  Yesterday I persuaded Kev to drive to Shakerley Mere, a local spot where there's a circular walk round the lake that's just under a mile long.  It was a lovely sunny day, the trees aren't in leaf yet but we saw plenty of water birds and it was great to get out properly. 

My son was concerned about me coping on uneven surfaces but honestly it was no more taxing than the sloping pavements.  And we did the walk very slowly.  Partly to stop to watch the various birdlife  including a grebe with amazing breath holding,  underwater swimming ability. Partly because Kev is actually a slower walker than me! We spent just over 45 mins and by the end my back was hurting; I actually think going slower made it harder.  There are benches thoughtfully dotted all round the place but far too low for me to sit on! I now can't wait to get out again to walk. It is just soul destroying going round the houses. 

And indoors I seem to have suddenly really improved my walking to the extent that I can now move comfortably on one crutch and not feel lopsided.  I've been still using 2 to work on my gait but am now getting round on one indoors. Which is actually really handy as my house just isn't that big. Upstairs with  2 gets cumbersome and generally I'm doing more for myself that means I need a hand free.  If I have no crutches I feel safe enough but do waddle. I'm paranoid about my waddling, possibly because my late mum had a really bad waddle and I don't want to end up like that. But even that is improving, and my legs don't feel so different in length. My right one still feels a bit higher and tight in the hip but to a lesser extent than just a week ago.  

Anyway, at my physio appointment today she assessed my walking and has said I can drop to one crutch for all walking, though said I might want to carry a second for security.  That might mean if I was somewhere very uneven, or even just to give myself space.  There's a lot to be said for that - yesterday the dog walkers and people with young kids were more considerate seeing me on 2 crutches.  But I feel it's vindicated my acceptance to stick with 2 as she said that my walk was really good, and even on one there was no imbalance that she often sees and has to correct from people moving to one too early.

Groin pain is the bane of hip replacement patients' lives. We all seem to have it to some extent. Some on and off, some continuously.   I notice mine most when I wake; if I stretch then it pulls. Physio advice is to use heat and gently massage the area. And restless legs. This does my head in! It starts anytime from evening when I'm usually sitting watching telly and can carry on until I'm in bed where it can make sleep impossible.  Sometimes it seems I've escaped it only for me to wake at stupid o'clock. When I then might end up getting up and blogging (see above for warning)  

But generally pain isn't much of an issue now. I won't say there's not some discomfort but compared to how things were earlier it's a breeze. In daylight hours anyway. Let's face it, whether you've had surgery or not, everything feels shit if it has you awake at 3am!  And 4 weeks after major surgery is still quite a short time, the body is still healing yadda yadda yadda ...  Hopefully the hydrotherapy that starts tomorrow will also help ease a lot of the aches and tightness in groin, back etc. 

One thing a lot of people think might be important actually hasn't been to me, and that's my scar.  Let's face it, I'm not out to pull, I'm not in a position of needing to worry about the attractiveness of my thigh. I don't need a scar to render my large, pale, flabby lower limbs less appealing. I was already thinking more on the lines that it's my badge of honour from having gone through this. That said, I also wanted it to be neat and not too lumpy.  God knows I have enough lumpy bits without needing to add to it.  So far it's looking good, most of the gluey lumps have gone and though it's still dark it's not fiery red or scabby!  I've now started massaging with bio oil in the hope it will ease out the lumps and help it fade a bit, and the physio has also given me tips on how to do that.  But I'm still in a weird way slightly proud of my 7 inch souvenir of what I've gone through! 

I'm still not really doing a load more than I have been, mostly down to the tiredness which has been quite overwhelming at times.  And also discomfort in sitting, which stems from occasionally feeling like I have marbles inside my bum cheeks, or simply the fact that I have the restrictions on height and leaning.  It means sitting at a table is OK to a point but I can't lean forward.  If we were to go out for a meal, I'd have to avoid soup!  This is in place for 6 weeks or 12 depending how you interpret the guidance I got sent home with, and the dire warnings of the occupational therapist I saw.  Hopefully at my 6 week check I will get better steer on just what I can do up to week 12.  

It did make me worry a little about work.  I had originally been told 6 weeks off but then thought maybe at around 4 I'd be ready to do some work from home.  But I'm no way there.  Last week I had to go see our company doctor and he almost seemed to be suggesting 12 weeks off.  On one had it sounds appealing but I don't think I could do that then hurl back into full time work.  So it seems that I'll take the 6 weeks off, then come back phased return, partly working from home, building up my working hours and time in the office until I'm at 3 months mark.  Hopefully by then my sleep may have improved if I don't have to lie on my back, and if my sitting restrictions are eased a bit that'll help.  And it gives me the chance to ease myself back into work thinking.  Lots of people have said they were far more tired than they expected when they went back to work, even if like me it's a desk based job.  I have once fallen asleep at my desk (I did have the excuse of being pregnant) and felt mortified when one of the men in my office walked in and woke me.  Can do with not going through that again.  The sleep at desk thing, not pregnancy I mean, though obviously the latter is well out of the question too.

So all in all, feeling pretty good at not only seeing progress but having physio confirmation of it.  And more to look forward to tomorrow with hydrotherapy. Onwards and upwards :)

Foot and mouth treatment

Yayyyyy I made it out the house for something other than my regular pavement pounding and occasional mind-blowingly exciting visits to Tesco or Morrisons (other supermarkets are available and probably equally as thrilling).

My friend Jan came over to visit.  That alone deserves a medal driving over from Leeds in shitty weather.  She arrived with the holy trinity of gifts...flowers, chocolate and alcohol.  The orchid I will try not to kill off. I love plants but it often doesn't stop me inadvertently murdering them. Or if it is inadvertently done then it would only be manslaughter.  The chocolate of course I will kill off. As I have done or am doing with the other chocolates I've had. I haven't gone back to my 5:2 yet and paying for it. Luckily I'm more comfy wearing joggers over my scar as I don't think my jeans would go near me. And the alcohol will be fun. I've not had a drink for a while so when I do open the bottles I'll probably be under the table quite quickly.

But as well as bringing goodies Jan's visit was our excuse for my first proper trip out. Just to a local pub for lunch, booster cushion in tow. It was ok, the seats were a decent height so with the cushion I was comfy enough.  Having said that by the time lunch was done I was ready to get up. Still not great sitting for too long and I'd have thought with the natural padding in my arse that I have in plentiful supply that wouldn't be a problem,  but after a while it's like sitting on marbles on the right side.  Car journeys are also fun. I don't need a cushion as the car seats are a decent height but I feel every bump and in our town you can't drive anywhere without speed humps.  And potholes. And often the combination where you come down over the hump into a lovely hole. 

Anyway lunch was a nice break and then I got a little bit of luxury when we got home and Jan filed and painted my toenails.  I haven't been able to get near them for a while and it'll be a few more weeks yet so getting some tidying and colour was heaven.  So with that and the edible/drinkable goodies, it was a good day for  foot and mouth treatment!

3 weeks, baby steps, big leaps

3 weeks down and I'm getting the hang of things!  There, I have started on a positive as I know parts of what's to come may seem a bit of a downer. Not intended to be negative, rather realistic.   A couple of weeks ago I felt like the total newbie to hippiedom.  I read things in the FB group and thought I should be able to run way before I could walk, even though many people were saying how important it was to rest. They also promised how things would get easier after the first week.  They were right on both counts.  I feel like I've come on so far, and my surgery now seems ages ago. But the biggest lesson has been that I needed to slow down and take little steps to get ahead.  I have already said this in previous posts but now 3 weeks in its become more apparent.  And that's also having been reading posts in FB from other newbies and seeing myself in them.  Seems there's a lot of us all wanting to be instantly perfect!

Before all this started, I had my ideas of how I'd progress, and being perfectly honest (and as I've been complimented on my blog being honest I guess I can't turn into some deviant liar now) in my mind I would be doing better at this stage, even though it is still early.  If I'd had a mental timetable of things...well actually that would have suggested an impressive degree of organisation that goes far beyond by usual approach of wing it and cross fingers. But if I had been organised to formulate a chronology for things it would probably have been something like the points below:

• Week 1, drug up, get familiar again with crutches,  get sorted for what was physically in my capability at home. Try and rest a bit when I needed to
• Week 2, get moving outside, get more independent in the house.  Be able to comfortably move indoors with one crutch. Go outside with 2, build up time I could walk for, get very comfortable with everything. Take rests if I needed, enjoy time at home sorting all kinds of stuff like music files, photos. 
• Week 3, be close to if not actually crutch free in the house. Proficiency outdoors on 2 greatly increased. Enjoying decent walks, may out for a drive and visiting places that I can stroll around,  notably Chester Zoo, well overdue a visit there
• Week 4, by now am speed demon on the crutches (a friend did actually comment on my FB on day 2 that I would be one!) Obviously hardly needing 2 crutches anyway, pretty much done with needing that support
• Week 5, possibly doing some work from home as feeling great, normal and need something to do. Visit work to see occ health, catch up with colleagues and bask in the glow of compliments about how well I'm looking and impressed that I'm walking perfectly without assistance 
• Week 6, almost back to normal.  A few hours a day work, using non work time for trips out, getting in plenty of walking. End week 6 with follow up hospital visit where I'm told I'm doing brilliant. Bounce out doctor's office smiling and feeling like Superwoman 

Only it hasn't quite gone to plan. I'm not Superwoman and I don't think 3 weeks is going to change that. Even if I acquired a cape and wore my (big unsexy) knickers over my comfy but equally unsexy joggers I don't think it'll make a difference.  I'm not going to meet that timetable but I'm now accepting things will happen at a different pace.

One thing not mentioned in my list was sleep. I just assumed it would be something I'd do between going to bed at night and getting up in the morning. But as mentioned  (whinged about) before, sleeping, or lack of, is still the biggest problem. Pillows under my legs are now helping stop the backache.  I'm still waking at stupid hours but my back doesn't hurt when I do. I'm getting resigned to the waking. I woke the other day feeling I'd been asleep for quite a while.  Lay there silently congratulating myself on having slept for longer than usual then actually looked at the time. It wasn't even 2 am! ! So I'd been asleep for less than 2 hours and then needed to try to get back to sleep again. In that state I'm torn between lying there awake and getting more frustrated,  or getting up. But my bed is always too warm to face getting out of it. Even with the human snore machine next to me.  And if I am getting frustrated at not being asleep I have an outlet as I'm justified in punching him :)

But now I've got into that lovely habit of resting and napping in the day  even the sleep thing is less of an issue.  I'm doing little enough in the day that I generally get time to go grab some z's to make up for the ones that prove elusive between 2 and 6 am. And that alone has taken me some time to get my head round. Making time for doing nothing. I've done none of my music or photo sorting; I'm genuinely more tired plus I can't get comfy at the pc. Yes it would be lovely to feel I'm using this time constructively but I'm fast realising that just resting is probably the most constructive thing I can do right now. It's not something that sits easy; I feel guilty and lazy but I'm having to rationalise it by knowing I'm letting myself heal.

I'm generally much more comfortable now with how Horace is settling in. Getting on and off the bed, no sweat. Cat puke aside there's no issue.  Not only can I get to bed but if I have a pillow pile I can just lift my legs straight onto it. Obviously only when I'm lying back and not breaking any rules but my ability to now get on my back and get my legs in the air is something I am more than a little bit pleased about. It's been a while ;)

I have hardly any pain now.  Discomfort in my groin, peculiar twinges round the scar, and the knee aches a bit but it's really miles better. My worst pain is in my back which I've always been prone to, but nothing that a heat pad or a couple of ibuprofen can't sort.  But I've lost the golf-ball-in-buttock feeling. And when i walk it feels fine. It's still tight and feels a bit high so I limp or waddle but I don't hurt. Unless I really overdo it but I'm not really doing that now. This is the new improved Lynda. With added patience :)

Walking has improved in as much as I've stopped trying to get away with one crutch. If I use two I walk well; if I use one I wobble a bit. If I take even a few steps without a crutch I really waddle. I'm now more bothered about getting my walking right. I could say I'm down to one, or that I can manage without but it wouldn't be great walking. And I don't want to end up battling a limp. I don't want to force muscles to do things when they're not properly healed. So if it means a couple of extra weeks on crutches, so be it.  The important thing for me is to end up walking properly, not quickly and wonky. I fell into the trap of almost competing to be onto one crutch quickly but it's not that much of a triumph if I'm making my muscles overwork. 

But with 2 crutches I've been getting out twice a day for around 15 mins each time most days. Apart from when it's been raining,  or I've fallen asleep. Or a bit in a can't be arsed mode. But it's nice to get out and moving. My back was the main problem as after about 10 mins walking I had pain in my lower back.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong, and to find out if there's anything I can do to help myself. I rang the physio who was great.  She reinforced the advice to keep on 2 crutches and told me things to do that would help improve my walk and ease my back.  Most of which I was already doing but she did additionally suggest I lowered the height of the crutches. But the best thing is that she has booked me in for an assessment session next Monday,  4 weeks post op, rather than wait til 6 weeks. And she's booked me in starting next Tuesday for hydrotherapy.  I feel really good about the fact I'm going to be actively doing something to help the recovery process. 

Not only is my walking behind the mental schedule I had planned but the idea of going out while I'm off has gone out the window somewhat. When I said I walked about 15 min each time, I'm taking that long to do a 5 minute walk. And then I'm shattered at the end of it.  Kev wants to pop in to Chester soon. Not as a touristy day out  we're lucky enough to live close enough we just go shopping there. And I love the place. But right now I'm torn between really wanting to go and wondering if I'd have the energy. I need to be able to at least get up to an endurance level of 30 mins and take my cushion with me!

And work quite frankly scares me. Without getting better sleep I just have no idea how I can concentrate enough to do the job. Hopefully my sleeping restrictions will lift at 6 weeks so I can work from then and find some brain capacity from somewhere. Anybody who knows me knows I'm normally the sort of person to be tapping into work at all times, so it feels quite alien to have no motivation to go near it now. 

Now I do realise, as predicted at the start of this post (which was a hell of a long time ago!) that this could come across as negativte but it honestly isn't.  I've just injected a massive dose of realism into things. And I really hope that some of the newer hippies can identify with some of this and know they can also stop worrying and slow down. It's so much easier to say than do, and it goes against natural instinct most of the time but I do genuinely believe that you need to take the baby steps to make the big leaps forward in progress.  Don't be in a rush to lose crutches, they are there for a reason.  Just because you can do something  (or think you can) doesn't mean you should. Your body is on a massive healing mission and doesn't need you buggering things up trying to do things it's just not ready for. Everything you want to do will still be there in a few weeks. Lie back, eat chocolate,  relax :)  

Day 16. Patience, puke and pounding pavements

I am now being a good patient.  It's bloody killing me at times but I am. I'm spending more time on 2 crutches than one, and more importantly more time actively resting. That seems something of an oxymoron (I love the word oxymoron, must try to use it more often) but it's true. I do have to make myself go and rest. And you know what? I'm quite liking it. I'm reading and doing my colouring. Sometimes I even catch up on badly needed sleep. I have things I intended to do while off that I just can't drag myself to do. Partly as it means sitting at my desktop PC and even with cushions that isn't comfy. And partly as my brain feels fogged.  I just feel like being more lazy.  In fact writing this blog is probably the most active I'm being on anything other than my exercises.   

It's slightly worrying as my sick leave will come to an end after 6 weeks. I had thought I'd probably be bored enough to want to ease back in a bit earlier.  But truth is that I'm finding properly recovering and resting harder work than I thought.  I'm fast finding that physical recovery is one thing. And quite a tough thing. But mentally...well it does your head in! I've not been on any strong drugs apart from just the few days in hospital, but god I feel like I'm on something some days. The mood swings fairy has been visiting me loads.  Some moments I feel great, then I feel total shite for not necessarily any apparent reason. I've had days where I've felt pissed off that friends haven't been in touch, even though the sensible part of me knows they know how I'm doing as, even if they aren't amog my 6 readers of this blog, they probably haven't escaped my numerous FB posts. But sometimes it feels quite lonely when I don't hear from anybody. Some days it feels like Kev and I are sniping at each other; I said that being together 24/7 would be interesting! And generally I have real ups and downs when it comes to my own confidence and self esteem. 

Now I'm trying to get into a better routine I hope it'll settle. I'm now having rest periods twice a day and looking forward to them.  Though yesterday even my rest was ruined. It was early evening, I'd gone up with Kev on hand to help me stack pillows under my legs. He was sorting the pillows, I was hauling myself onto the bed in my normal fashion. Arse first, slide back,  use good leg to lever myself on properly,  ease bad leg on after. It's safe so I'm not breaking the rules and I've now got well practised. Only this time as I reached back along the bed my hand touched a damp spot. Now given restrictions and tiredness and moods there's one reason for damp spots that can definitely be ruled out. And the bladder control has thankfully been ok. And I don't have any drinks near the centre of the bed. So I looked round to see what it was and realised I was in the damp patch surrounding a pile of cat puke. I know the cat had been a bit disgruntled earlier in the day when I had my morning rest. She's used to having the bed to herself in the daytime and my legs were accommodated with not a small amount of reluctance. Clearly she'd got revenge.

It's ironic that I've encountered more animal mess on my own bed than I have outdoors walking round the local streets. And I would know. I have never studied our local pavements more closely than I do now.  (Note to my American readers, pavement here is what you call a sidewalk. I haven't gone mad and decided to dice with death walking among the traffic) It's all very well the physios telling you to walk upright,  looking ahead and not at the floor. That's fine in hospital as the floors tend to be quite level. You don't tend to find turds lying on hospital floors.  Or uneven cracks or holes. But walking on our pavements it's a trade off between posture and risk of falling and landing on a hard pavement. Or in the shit. Literally.   Today I also had the elements against me.  I missed the morning snow (snow!  Wtf it's March!) and the torrential afternoon rain. But by God I had wind. Not me personally I don't mean. But it was blowy out there; at one point I was bracing against my crutches just to stay upright.  Still it was less humiliating than yesterday on the same route. I'd heard a front door closing behind me as I walked down the street. Then a few minutes later a voice behind me said 'excuse me' and I realised somebody was trying to get past me. It was an elderly lady with a walking stick. She was quite sweet asking me about why I was on crutches, but overriding any concern for my welfare was sheer joy at having been able to go past me. I was her first overtakee in ages!

As if I wasn't feeling old enough. At times when I've been waddling I remind myself of my mum, who never walked straight after her hip replacements.  But at least that is partly out of my hands. I can work on the non-waddle but speed has to follow later, hence feeling old. I'm also feeling horribly fat. I know I'm doing too little (enforced) and eating too much of the wrong stuff  (sighhhhh...willpower,  lack of) so it shouldn't come as a surprise. But I dread weighing myself this weekend. I don't think I can blame post op swelling either. I was staring at my legs in the mirror today trying to decide if it was still swollen.  There is a bit round the back and round incision area but nothing I can really blame weight gain on. Yes my leg does look big. But so does the other one. No change there.  These are the the legs that once were subject to the attentions of a very cute masseuse.  Bless her, she was probably only about 20, total skinny mini. I asked her (jokingly) to make sure she got rid of all my cellulite.  She replied totally straight faced that I didn't have any. Only as I lay there mentally air-punching she then added the killer words 'it's just fat'. Cheers love!

So I'm lardy but I can at least bring joy to others.  Even if it is just to little old ladies who I can make feel like a speed demon