2 weeks, listening to the body

Listen to your body. That's what they tell you when they send you home from hospital.  And it's what everybody in the FB groups says too. It makes total sense. We have to heal first and foremost,  then worry about how far we've walked etc. And after an early over competitive edge came out I have taken that message on board. 

I had to rest about a week ago after trying to do too much on one crutch. The rest paid off and taught me a valuable lesson. Even when things did feel better on one crutch I've still been mainly using 2, working on my walking style and strengthening muscles.  It has been noticeably improving and my confidence has grown, so going out for some short walks has been ok. I'd learnt that the slopey bit by Tesco was a slope too far and yesterday stuck to flat. One short walk in the morning, one in the afternoon.  Maybe 15 mins first time and a little less the other. All good. But I was also on my feet quite a bit. Nothing strenuous.  Just vertical.  I washed dishes standing at the sink. I prepared most of a roast dinner. I sorted some laundry stuff. Movement wise there was no exertion.  I didn't go beyond  a shuffle at any point.  But all that time standing took its toll as I woke in a fair bit of pain this morning.  

I didn't try to fight it. I was still in my PJs  at just gone noon,  sitting up in bed watching a movie. I had briefly ventured downstairs for my porridge fix, today with added paracetamol. Then done my exercises, light walking round the living room, and then back up to bed. I've not gone out today. I've just vegged, and I think my body is thanking me for it. See, I do listen to it. I just wish it would give me a warning. If there'd been a hint yesterday of 'you're pushing it a bit,  ease up please' I'd have listened. Honestly I would.  But instead the old body says nothing, lets me go ahead then just gives me a bollocking today. Not very fair that!   But lesson learned and all that. Resting comes higher on the agenda from now, whether it seems I need it or not.

Of course yesterday wasn't helped by a certain football result.  Being a Liverpool fan growing up was so easy. Now it's torture at times. I had a feeling we'd lose. For the non English football fans this was the League Cup final. It's our less significant cup compared to the more glamorous FA Cup, but it's the first trophy of the season and we were there.  We've been knocked out of the FA Cup so this was big for us.  And we were looking like losing until a late equaliser took us to extra time and penalties. Which we're really good at. Except we weren't.  And we lost. And my husband  is a Man City fan and it was them that beat us.  It couldn't really get much worse.  It was even traumatic enough to make me forget my injection for 2 hours. Oops!

So today's little blip aside, this second week has been quite a transformation. I have confidence in my hip. I'm conscious of how I'm moving with it. I'm not getting hung up on what others are doing. I'm needing minimal painkillers. My dressing is now removed and my scar is pretty neat. Nothing red or nasty looking, just a big cut that's been glued up. Sleeping is still the big issue. Well actually  sleeping isn't, sleeping would be heaven. The lack of sleeping is the big issue.  According to the fitbit I'm getting around 5.5 hours but in chunks and not a nice continuous stretch.  I'm used to managing on not much sleep as when working it was often late I got to sleep then up at 6. Just now I have this bloody sleeping on the back rule and wake up frequently  and in discomfort.  But overall I'd say things are heading in the right direction.  And it is early days still. It feels like I've been doing it for ages now. For my 6 readers of this blog it probably seems even longer! But 2 weeks is still quite a short time since major surgery. So quite a way still to go. And quite a few blog posts still to come. Sorry!

Day 11, Stepping, sleeping and distance shaving

There's a thing run each year called the Global Corporate Challenge, in which companies encourage their employees to get off their arses in a walking challenge. AZ take part in this though I only took part once.  You get in a team of 7, register online,  get issued with pedometers and then get walking. It recognises that many desk bound workers might average about 3500 steps a day, when the recommended average is 10000. You can set up mini leagues with rival colleagues teams and some people get uber competitive. One of my former colleagues, in a rival team, became very keen to offer to do errands for me, so he'd walk to the printer instead of me. (For any AZ people who might read this and wonder, DB and he used to sit next to me) In the year I did it I did get into good habits which I intended to keep up but we all know about good intentions.

Towards the end of last year I started to more seriously think I should walk more but then the hip got worse so it didn't happen. But just after Christmas I got a fitbit. Well ideally it would have been at Christmas as it was part of my present from Kev. But as I hadn't told him what I'd wanted it came later. And I've been wearing it since I got home post op.  It defaults to a target of 10K steps which obviously I wasn't aiming for but I've managed it yesterday and been not far off on several others. There's a certain irony that when it comes to my step count I'm doing better when I'm less than 2 weeks out from major surgery and am on crutches, than when I was allegedly fit and mobile!  I even got a sneaker award, yay go me!

Obviously it helps that that pesky thing called work isn't in the equation now.  The year I did the challenge at work was lovely as a walk at work in lunchtime meant park land,  woods, lake. Macclesfield isn't as pretty.  And even if I work more sensible hours I get home and want to eat rather than go for a walk. Especially in winter. So for now (as long as it's not raining ) I'm trying to get outside a couple of times a day. Today I went a bit further than yesterday and did start getting to think I'd gone far enough and have to get back.  But I'd barely turned back when a lady stopped me to ask what I'd done. Cue a 15 min chat about how well I was doing and about her forthcoming knee surgery. It was quite nice but I was getting cold and trying to focus on how I was standing. And then when she did let me go I had the walk back. Those slopey driveways aren't getting any easier. One crutch goes up, the other drops away and I'm desperately trying to keep legs straight. My muscles must be cursing me. And I was cursing me too when I could see my road ahead and it felt ages away. By the time I was on that final stretch I felt like I was swimming in treacle.  Was very glad to get back home. Apart from the fact that our doorstep is horrible. Not steps to the door, this is the actual threshold and after such a long walk (actually a short walk that took a stupidly long time) it's very high.

The immediate drawback to my walking is that from the end of my little close I have the option of turning right or left. Then that's about it until I'm up to walking a bit further.  And I'm not yet. So it's going to be a little monotonous for a while. I could wander up and down the other small closes that make up our estate but I might look more like I'm casing the place. Though the crutches do make the getaway a little harder. Anyway this afternoon Kev was popping into town so I hitched a lift so I could walk somewhere different. We got to be slightly rebellious by parking in a disabled space. I don't like people using these but I also don't like people abusing them.  Most spaces weren't taken and the one that was had an elderly lady in the passenger seat but she stayed in it while a very lively looking driver went into the shop. So I felt no guilt as I hauled myself out onto my crutches. I do find it ridiculous that we can't get temporary parking permits in the UK. Right now I'm in as much need of one as the people who have them, especially those who have them for a passenger who doesn't get out the pigging car. OK and breathe... Breathing actually was something I was struggling with a little while later. I was going to a shop that isn't far from where we parked but is down a slope. Which meant that on the way back it was up one. Though the slope was longer and steeper on the way back.  But on balance is still preferable to the driveways that go across rather than with the way I walked. By the time I got back to the car I'd had to stop once for breath and knew I'd given my muscles a fair workout. Just lie back and admire that step count though :)

The other thing I bought (sorry, belatedly received) my fitbit for was to measure my sleep.  Over the past couple of years my sleep hasn't been good. Sometimes I can put that fair and square to the darling hubster. He snores.  Now I have no objection to a man who's a bit of an animal in bed. Just preferably not a sodding aardvark.  And then some nights it's what's between my ears.  My mind can go into overdrive. The shite I can lie awake trying not to think of is unreal at times. So I liked the idea of being able to also see just how much sleep I'm getting. And right now it's particularly apt as I often wake feeling I've had about 10 minutes. This morning having woken at just after 1am ( and I didn't head for sleep until close to midnight, what the hell is that about!?) it was actually really good to wake up this morning and see I'd had close to 6 hours, with just 14mins lost to being restless. That is one hell of a result. It's not 100% of course. It can't distinguish between lying still and being asleep, and given that I have no option but to stay in one position the sleep time probably is an overestimate.  But I can't complain as I'm sure my step count is also an overestimate.  I think that applies to pedometers generally. One day my old pedometer gave me over 60 steps when I was sitting doing my grocery shopping online. Still,  every little helps :)

So while sleep is my low point, the upside is that I'm getting far more independent. Kev has  his wish of me being able to do the dishes. It's a bit of a cruel joke that I have to learn to take weight through my new hip, and standing doing the dishes lets me do that. But my bloody restrictions mean I can't bend to load the dishwasher! The showering bath board thing is great but I do need to organise myself. A 10 minute shower takes me about 40. Today I dropped the shower head into the bath.  I had the grabber to hand and did manage to pick it up without spraying the whole bathroom. But today saw another venture...into deforestation.  I figured that being UK in February my legs are firmly under cover. Which is actually their best state 365 days a year. Yayyyyy. ..they get a day out in 2016! But even so when I saw quite how hirsute I'd become it felt like action was called for. So I cribbed from some pics I'd seen on FB, got Kev's gaffer tape and my long shoe horn and voila 

It's not perfect but it's a damn sight better than it was. Now all I need is to figure out how to cut and paint my toenails and I'll happy ☺ 

9 days post op, Moving on up

Well it's amazing how a few days can make such a difference.  Now I do realise with some trepidation that I'm writing in a positive mood, which with my track record could mean I'll be awake at 3, hurting, crying, thinking the world is awful. But then again I also have Liverpool to watch on telly tomorrow night so net result could be the same. 

Anyway, everybody seemed to be saying the first week is the worst so I was desperately hoping they were right.  And guess what? They were ☺  

I still have problems sleeping as I just hate having to sleep on my back. I find it hard to get comfy, I'm having restless legs and when I do sleep I wake up feeling like somebody's beaten me up in the night. And I really don't think Kev is doing that. I don't think. It is achey first thing in the morning.  In fact it's really achey at 3am. And then it's achey at the end of the day. But I'm on top of it. And it's something that's just there.  It's not the be all and end all and it is not going to define my day.

A friend visited me today and said she'd seen a video of a hip replacement.  I haven't watched one yet but do intend to. She said it was pretty brutal in how they cut open,  pull apart, hammering, drilling and so it's no wonder we end up with aches in other places. I'm bruised round the back of my knees but appreciate why. I've also seen my scar.  It's neat but it's 7 inches worth of neat. That's some cutting. It's allowed to take a bit of time to get over.  I remember people telling me about childbirth.  How it was pain with a purpose.  That purpose being to commit your next 18 years to sleepless nights, endless shouting and crying (in some cases from the child too) and financial destitution. I see similarities with hip replacement.  Sleepless nights, shouting and crying. But I don't have to watch TellyTubbies again, again...and again, and again. And I know why it hurts. I know it's healing. I know I can do something about it...whether that's taking drugs or doing the exercises. And while I did secretly know it would ease over time, I can now testify it's true.

I've realised that slower can be quicker. Not sure why I wrote that and not just used the well known phrase 'more haste less speed'. Proof that this is basically winged live and subject to minimal editing. Just because some people are walking comfortably with one crutch within a week doesn't mean I can.  I can walk really quite well with 2 so let's stick there (stick, pun not even intended, I kill myself sometimes!) and not make myself worse at the start. Let's rest as advised and spend time elevating legs to get rid of the swelling.  

Today I did that twice.  First time was around noon. I thought I'd go do the leg thing before grabbing lunch and then my friend was coming round. But I fell asleep and woke about 5 mins before she arrived. Obviously  I needed it.  Then this evening I went up again, decided eating fruit is a good thing to do so took a clementine up with me. I don't know if you've ever laid down flat, legs hoisted over a pile of pillows and tried to peel and eat a clementine.  A clementine with the peel virtually glued on. If you've not done it you've missed an experience. It certainly served as great distraction technique from anything going on in the legs. And I managed to eat it all up without choking!

Not only have I got myself sorted with the resting and walking thing indoors but I ventured outdoors today for the first time. Mainly as it was dry and not brass monkeys outside. I walked to the end of our little close and down the road to the next one. That was fun. Hardly any distance but all the driveways drop down so the pavement slopes from left to right.  And then right to left on the way back.  And my new leg hadn't had to cope with slopes before. It felt odd and wobbly, so I need to do more of that and get my muscles working a bit in the real world. 

And another triumph was managing the bath board and shower ON MY OWN!!.  As long as Kev unhooks the shower head I can get it, turn on, close screen and turn off after by using my grabber. God I love that thing. If it bought me chocolates I'd marry it. 

Chocolates.  I really shouldn't.  Chris and Sammy started it bringing me loads while I was in hospital.  But it did last until a few days after I got home.  And my friends who've visited me this week have arrived with Roses, Toblerone and a delish red velvet cake 

I'm not quite sure what excuse I'm going to need to come up with when I weigh at the weekend.  But by then I'll be well into week 2 and can't blame it on comfort eating, as I'm really feeling so much happier now.  Maybe that's partly down to enhanced chocolate consumption ☺  I just hope it may also be attributable to forthcoming back to back Liverpool victories.

So onwards and upwards. I've turned a corner, there may be more bumps on the road but I'm going to steamroller over them.  Or maybe sidestep them if that's easier for a bit ☺

One week post op, some hippie tips

I thought I'd use today, my one week anniversary, to do a nice little  (or knowing me, not so little) sum up of the things I've learnt,  things I wish I'd known, so that other hippies-to-be can be a bit better prepared than I was. To be honest I think the first thing I've learnt is that as soon as I blog a post that's quite positive, I will then hit a low. But today has been great in that it's gone from me feeling frankly quite shite  (oh yes, I've mastered the spellchecker...it gave me shite as the default just then,  victory is mine!) to feeling that things really are OK after all, I just needed a kick up the arse reality check.  So...what would be my 'key takeaways' (sorry,  work speak creeping in,  will try not to 'reach out' to anybody. That's an expression we use at work loads then recently a FB thing I saw said it was only acceptable to use that term if you're a member of the Four Tops. Since then I can't use it or hear/see others use it without mentally seeing the 70s outfits and the choreography. But I digress...again)

So below are some things I've thought of that I hope will help others.  This is based on my experience having posterior approach in the UK, and going private.

Pre-op:

Exercise if you can. I know some people have very restricted mobility but anything you can do in the run up will be worth it. Ideally stuff that works your core but even doing upper arm exercises would help as you'll be possibly using crutches, but even just hauling yourself onto a bed takes some effort 

Find out about your procedure type. If you're having posterior approach you'll have restrictions regarding bending at the hip (never be less than 90degrees) and twisting. When you're reading other people's stories, if they've had a different approach they will have quite a different experience.
Find out what anaesthesia you may have, then take a deep breath and calm down if you're told spinal.  Spinal is not the same as epidural; I had horrendous epidural experience in labour, this is different. You can be fully sedated with spinal so you see and hear nothing.  For me the level of being out cold is the same as with general, but with spinal you breathe without aid of tube down your throat and you generally wake up much more refreshed and less groggy. Often pain management is better after a spinal and you throw up less! I've had both spinal and general,  I would take spinal with sedation any time. 

Find out what treatment you may need after.  For DVT prevention some docs will just give tablets,  some use compression socks, some give injections for you to self administer. This varies from surgeon to surgeon,  even in same hospital sometimes.

Don't panic if you get told you'll need the injections but know you can't do that.  I knew I couldn't,  I can't watch needles, I have to lie down to give blood or have an injection or I faint.  But guess what, I'm giving them to me.  It isn't easy but seriously if I can do it then you can. 
Ask what ongoing medicines you can or can't continue. I'd read sweeping statements that you can't take anything, can't take ibuprofen in the run up. My surgeon was fine with me being prescribed some steroids a week before, and to continue occasional ibuprofen use. Listen to your own doctor,  not friends on the net.

Find out what you will need to adapt your home. Your hospital may provide stuff,  your insurance may pay.  This will vary depending on where you live. Even in UK it'll vary. My council will only pay for raised toilet seats, others may pay for a lot more. People will talk about needing blocks to raise armchairs but a cushion may be sufficient. Your occupational therapist will assess your need. Based on lower leg length they will assess safe height for chair, bed,  toilet etc. If you just go buy you may get the wrong thing, waste money and potentially put yourself at more risk.

Get familiar with your gadgets.  Have a play with sock aids, shoe horns, grabbers. Your grabber will become your best friend ☺

Be aware of where you'll have restrictions. Take time to think of things you just do and figure out how they might be off limits. Restrictions can rule out a lot of things. If you won't have somebody around to help (or if you're just like me, a stubborn cow who wants to be independent) figure out what you can't do, and ways to get round things eg move stuff from low shelves to a reachable height.

Consider the layout of your house to accommodate moving round with walker or crutches. Remember things like making sure you can not only get to the loo, but that you're not going to end up stuck there as your crutches have fallen on the floor. 

Invest in things like a bed table so you have stuff to hand.  You'll likely have spells of being awake at night and bedside cabinets are often small or need to be twisted to reach properly

Practice getting in and out of passenger side of the car. You'll need seat high or boosted by a cushion,  and seat reclined.  Remember you may have the 90 degree rule in place. Note,  this may make you look a bit of a nutter to your neighbours! 

Buy loose clothing. Even if it's stuff you wouldn't usually be seen dead in. A posterior incision can be quite long and you won't want knickers that press on it. Same for trousers. Loose joggers, not jeans. And buy bigger than normal size to allow for swelling.  I managed to put on several pounds in my final week before surgery, combined with post op swelling I even have some joggers that are too tight!

If you're going to be in hospital a few days consider taking clothes. Yes it's much easier to stay in a nightshirt but you feel more human in proper clothes.
In the immediate run up try to avoid contact with people with infections. I worked from home the final week in a self imposed quarantine and went into panic at the thought of anything derailing my surgery. To a certain extent things are out of your hands but it's normal to panic!

Do as much research as you want but when it comes to personal stories we are all different. If you're having posterior approach in UK,  the experience of some people who may have anterior in the US will be miles away from what you can expect. There will be similarities you might identify with but make sure you understand where it will be necessarily different. And even if you hear from somebody with same approach,  with same surgeon, they're not you. Prepare but don't set unrealistic expectations.

In hospital:

Take enough things to make you feel comfortable. Chargers for phones/tablets, along with the gadgets themselves were essential for me. I also took my favourite sweets and cereal bars.  Slippers will need to be full foot, not slip on mules. 
The staff will have seen it all before. They understand it's nerve-wracking and will be there to help you through it. Listen to them.
Your dignity may go out the window a bit. You may pee on the bed if your anaesthesia hasn't worn off; they have cleaned other people up before you. They'll deal with it quietly and efficiently.  You may have air in you from anaesthesia which means you can produce some quite spectacular farting later. Just accept they've heard it all before!
Bedpans may be a necessity. Accept the fact.  If you haven't been got up out of bed (legs may be numb after anaesthetic) you'll have to use a bedpan
Take the drugs offered and ask for more if you need them. Keeping on top of the pain is important. 
Listen to what the nurses, physios/PTs, doctors tell you. And follow their guidance. They know how your surgery went. They know why you might need something different to the next patient.  
Go at your pace. Some people are ready to go home earlier than others. There's no right or wrong,  just what's right for you.

At home:
Do the exercises you've been told. Other Internet friends will get different exercises. Some people will get home PT. Some will get sent home with a list of exercises and no more physio visit until 6 week check. Do what you've been told; doing something somebody else has been told may do you damage.
Don't be competitive. I wish I'd listened to my own advice here! It is easy to see people progressing and think you should be the same. This goes one of 2 ways: you get really down and upset, or you try to do too much and set yourself back. 
Recovery takes patience and lots of it. I have little and am learning to find some.
If it hurts take painkillers. Don't be a martyr to pain. You heal better when you're on top your pain. 
You will hurt in different places as your muscles and tendons recover and relax. Some days this will drag you down but just know it will get easier.  I am at day 7 and miles better than I was at day 4.
If you're in the UK you will hear US folk talk a lot about ice but may never hear anything here. I've not done the sort of icing they may do but have used it intermittently as relief and it does help. Elevation is another thing,  personally I've found that the best. I'd spent time on the bed but with feet seldom lifted more than one pillows worth. This morning after feeling very down and achey I lay almost flat on the bed with legs raised on a stack of pillows.  After that my whole leg has felt lighter and swelling noticeably reduced.
You will have not just up and down days, but hours. I've gone from crying to euphoric in a short space of time. It's OK to have downers, just calm down, take painkillers and take a rest.
If you do too much one day and it's hurt, do less next day. Yesterday I tried doing more on just one crutch, but this morning I hurt like hell. Today I've rested and the improvement has been massive.
Sleeping on your back sucks! It isn't easy to get comfy. If you have a bad night, catch up during the day. 
Have plenty of pillows. You'll try arranging them in so many ways to get yourself comfy. 
It's OK to bend. Not beyond the 90 degree limit if you have that but you can still move more than you think.  I spent the first couple of days trying to almost stay vertical 
It's also ok to bend your operated leg at the knee, assuming no other complications.  I spent wasted and exhausting time trying to do things with my operated leg straight.  No wonder it felt tight!
Assuming you have the OK to do so it's fine to take weight on your leg and you have to learn to trust it. First time I stood to clean my teeth all my weight was on my good leg. It's hard to make yourself take weight on both.  But don't push it...I tried walking with just one crutch and realised I'm putting too much weight in the crutch and distorting myself. I've had a good word with myself and gone back to 2 so I feel comfortable.
Appreciate a partner if you have somebody to help you. I'm gritting my teeth as hubby does things differently to me.  He's doing loads and that's what matters.
Remember you will get through it but it sure as hell feels like a long impossible journey at times.  Don't beat yourself up if it takes a bit longer for you than for others.

So those are some of my pearls of wisdom from the benefit of a whole week's experience of being post operative. Other people will have other experiences but hopefully I've captured things that will ring true for many. I'm still learning and incredibly grateful to the FB communities from whom I've gained advice and reassurance. But this is with the benefit of being new enough that I'm not looking back through rose tinted specs. I'm still finding things hard and need to take my own advice on patience.  Hopefully I'll be posting over the next few weeks having followed that advice and got to a really good place ☺

Day 6, finally coming together

Today feels like I've reached a bit of a milestone in terms of getting into something of a routine and getting my head round things. The latter is not to be underestimated. What goes on between my ears can be pretty destructive at times. If my head is a bit mashed I'm really not good. That's when emotions and/or hormones take over and that's often a cue for disaster.  So this recovery malarkey starting to make sense is good for me.

There now seems to be something of a routine in the bedroom at night. Now there are plenty of articles and experts saying routine is not always a good thing. There should be fun, spice, excitement, variety. But right now routine works for me if it includes sleep. I hate this lying on my back. Lying on one's back has its merits, but more when incorporated into the aforementioned spicy fun (and even vanilla is a spice! ). Lying on the back to sleep is not fun. And right now it's enforced, even less fun. But I am managing sleep, albeit a bit sporadic. I'm heading for sleep usually around 11pm, though often have dozed off watching TV beforehand! Then I tend to sleep through til around 2 am.  That's then cue to shift a bit to ease achey back or numb bum, before going back to sleep for another couple of hours. Around 4-4.30 I'll wake again and usually at that point need the bathroom.  This means getting out of bed you'll be glad to hear. But that means doing a warm up so the legs function ok on the way there. So I wake up more at that point, usually catch up on FB or emails for a little while then back to sleep, and often don't wake til after 7. I do realise as I type that it's not a million miles away from a new parent saying how proud they are of sproglet who's now clever enough to sleep through for 2-3 hours at a time. Better still I don't need nappy changes ☺

In the daytime too I'm getting the hang of things more. Exercises, painkillers (resorted to a codeine this morning) and some walking,  in between little bits I can do round the house. I've finally developed a little confidence in the new hip; I was going to call him Horace but so far haven't bonded with him enough to be on first name terms with but maybe I should start now. We're pretty intimately acquainted and we've got to live together so let's act like we're friends. So when I'm just pottering I'm trusting Horace enough to just use one crutch.  Unfortunately I don't trust the muscly sorts he hangs out with. (Not sure 'hangs out' is really the most appropriate term there) And they're not really that muscly. They need to be though. But when I'm actually trying to get my walking sorted I need more support. So 2 crutches, take it slow,  let Kev perform my gait analysis and work on re-educating myself in the act of walking. Part of the problem is that for several months I've got used to limping, letting my left leg protect my right. But it's Horace's job to do that now so I need to focus on walking properly, weight on each foot, walking straight and letting the muscles and tendons heal.  Walking with one crutch leaves me wobbly and taking weight on that crutch. Walking with 2, I hardly take weight on them. The weight is in my legs and feet, the crutches merely give me the balance to let me work on the walk. Hopefully then the tightness and feeling of it sitting high up will settle. And I'm told that could take weeks. Which means me being patient.  Strewth that P word again!

And as the sitting is still uncomfortable I am being better disciplined at taking breaks in the day to lie on the bed, legs up and putting ice pack on it.  Yes I'm using ice and I'm not even American! The swelling is still there today, along with some impressively developing bruising round the back of my knee. At least I was warned so it's not too alarming. 

One thing I've done for a while is weigh myself at weekends and do so using my Wii fit.  As well as weight it also shows how your body weight is distributed on standing. I'm usually really close to 50/50 in terms of left and right, though have weight more in heels than toes. Today was quite amusing.  First one thing it took 3 goes before the board even recognised me. Then I was miles over to the left. That'll be interesting to see how I get my balance back and really do stand evenly, and I swear I really did try to do that today. But weight... Last weekend,  having been working at home a week I'd piled on 8lbs. No wonder the joggers are tight! Today I gave it another go. Some people say they lose their appetite after major surgery.  Not me. And I've been given chocolates.  No hope really! But amazingly I haven't put any weight on. And considering the swelling I'm trying to convince myself that in real terms I must have lost weight.  Oh delusion is a wonderful life skill :)

One major success today was the second attempt with the bath board. We (by we I mean Kev) got it secure. And I fitted my arse on it without it collapsing.  Got my leg over (sorry, needed some mild sexual innuendo thrown in there).  And had the luxury of being able to sit under the shower and wash me and my hair. I had to hold the shower head as the position doesn't let me sit under the water flow but I managed. Obviously I can't drop it into the bath or I'd not be able to pick it up again.  So I figured the best way was to keep hold of it between my thighs. Which wasn't altogether unpleasant ;)  I did have Kev there but tried my best to do as much for myself as I could and it worked pretty well. Felt great having done it and has given me a much needed confidence boost.

Something I'm still mentally battling with though are the injections.  I have to give myself Clexane injections every evening, to help prevent DVT. When I notice the time getting near 6pm I feel horrible.  I have tried the petulant toddler approach.  But shouting 'I don't want it,  I don't want it, I don't want it, it hurts, it's horrid' doesn't miraculously mean I don't have to do it.  I still do. And I don't like it. I'm trying to tell myself I'm a quarter of the way there.  But that means there's still three quarters of the way to go. Didn't get me a Maths A level for nothing!

So I'm reaching the end of my first week. I'm probably not where I hoped I might be but I'm doing OK. If nothing else I'm getting my head round the fact that it hurts more than I maybe thought it might but for the right reasons. In a previous post I'd said how I was worried that my lack of severe pre-op pain might make me less appreciative of the immediate aftermath.  Other people trade in pre-op pain for the after effects of surgery; I only have the latter right now.  And for that reason alone I'm not yet jumping for joy. Well that and the fact it would break rules and probably put me back in hospital. I know this calls for more patience than I expected. But I'm not in a position to go back and I'm no quitter. Blog wise I'm carrying on...sorry dear readers, all 6 of you, but you don't escape that easy.  Maybe not daily updates, but then again this is my equivalent of chatting away so maybe it will be. Takes a lot to keep me quiet! 

Day 5, mixed up feelings

Tempting fate? Pride going before a fall? Whatever, ending my last post with a comment about my bed being good turns out to have been some kind of inverse prophecy as I had my worst night so far. I'd got my pillows sorted so I could lie more comfortably, and I wasn't woken with pains in my back as I have other nights. But last night the restless legs thing kicked in. I say kicked. Twitched really. On my bad side this meant a simple twitch turned into a shooting pain in the front of my groin. On the left it wasn't painful, just bloody annoying.  I'm spending half my night waving my left leg around trying to ease things. What would really help would be to lie on my side but I'm not allowed to do that.  If I roll onto my side my incision will split open and my new joint will force itself out. Or something like that.  And once you're awake feeling like that the night lasts a very long time. Thankfully one of the FB groups  I'm in has a good US contingent so I can go whinge at people who don't even know me but know what I'm going through.

So a rough night. And during today I'm struggling with what I'm feeling in my hip. On one hand I am moving better. Kev has been telling me to slow down now and again. Once I'm on the move it's quite good, but I'm feeling as if my new right hip is set a little higher. There's a lot said about people ending up with uneven leg length, and I don't think it's that bad but it does just feel as if my leg now has to do a little lift to move forward. That in itself isn't painful, just feels weird. A bit alien. Like I'm really aware I've got this new thing in there that's meant to be part of me but doesn't quite fit in.  I'm getting achey spells and I'm tying myself in knots trying to figure out if it's proper pain or just muscle building back up. I originally hurt round the incision area. Now I'm getting pain in the front of the groin, my knee, and also at very top of the back of my thigh. I've knocked the codeine out of my drug routine and am trying to manage with just paracetamol and ibuprofen. I know I have to keep on top of the pain,  it's the one thing that's drilled into you in hospital, take the drugs before you get that you're climbing the walls needing them. But codeine does have the side effect of constipation. And I really can do without that. Having said that,  I started writing this without having managed to declare my bowels open since Thursday, but a few lines back I actually took a number 2 break. Seriously the matter of poo becomes a far more elevated topic than it really deserves. It's not like I've got a South Park style singing and dancing Mr Hankey (and yes I really did just Google to see if Hankey had the 'e' or not!).  Anyway I'm keeping on top of the pain but feeling very mixed up about just what I'm feeling. Is it just tightness? And how quick can I loosen it and feel better? 

It doesn't help that it's swollen up as I was warned it would. My legs are huge at the best of times. I have horrible tree trunk thighs. Thankfully not covered in moss or anything but bIoody big.  Far too big. And today they've gone gargantuan.  I often slob round in joggers at home. I bought some more for this recovery time. But the pair I tried to put on today were still tight. Do you know how bloody depressing it is when even the baggy stuff clings?

In this pic you can see my right leg (on the left as you're looking) kind of bulges out at the top much further. I'd love to blame a bulky dressing but all I have is a thin strip of dressing. It just feels like I'm being gripped round the thigh. And have weights inside it. 

Despite feeling pretty shite in some ways,  I am also notching up some steps forward. I'm definitely getting more movement when I do my exercises. And as I said,  I'm walking better. Today I stood to wash dishes and moved round the kitchen more. But I'm still some way from feeling confident as I was last time. And while I'm trying to accept that we all recover at different  speeds I admit I feel competitive and then bad when I'm not as far ahead as others are. I had visions of me being one of those people who'd breeze through it all, be down to one crutch quite quickly. It's not even a week yet but I've already had demoralised days, especially when it feels more tight and painful than the day before. And when I feel I'm actually a little bit scared of it.

We had another minor setback when it came to hair washing. Today was the maiden voyage of the bath board. Or it should have been. The bath board is a plastic board that sits across the bath. Then I sit on the board, shuffle back, swivel round and can use the shower while I sit there. The board is not wide. My arse is. Putting the two together with 2 fully functional limbs is a scary prospect. Now make one of the limbs sore and only movable within certain limits.  And expand the aforementioned wide arse. And as a final touch have the board not quite sit securely. No way was I  going near it.  So Kev hauled up a dining chair and my cushion and gave my hair a back wash. Our relationship is reaching levels we've never gone to before and quite frankly I'd rather we didn't have to again but dry shampoo just isn't the same.

To end on a good note, I am genuinely chuffed by the people commenting on my blog.  Last night in particular at around 4.30 am when I was feeling pretty rubbish,  I read some lovely things that made me blush and smile. Thank you Mr HR  (you know who you are even if that abbreviation does make you sound like you head up the personnel  department) nice to have you and COP  as 2 of my 6 :)  And if the tonic doesn't work I know where to ask for the gin!

Day 4, better in bed

We bought a lovely new suite at the end of the year, which arrived just before I went off for my new hip. We did have me in mind a bit in that we wanted something fairly firm, but that's as much to with general comfort  (I'm a martyr to my back) as anything to do with the hip. In fact we even ruled out spending extra on a riser as I'm seeing my hip as short-term.  Maybe that's tempting fate but I'm not buying for a disability I don't have.  The new chairs and sofa are very nice. The cat is still a bit put out as it's smaller than our old one and there's less room for her to lie on the arms. But we like them. Height wise they're only a little off my 'safe height', the height I must sit at to comply with the rules on not being less than 90 degrees at my hip, so rather than balance on bricks or blocks,  I have a very firm foam cushion. It's all just about perfect.  Except there's a but. Or rather a butt. Mine. I just can't get comfy sitting down.

The incision area itself isn't too bad. The groin area has moments. In fact it has weird twitchy moments when my leg has jerked and sent a little spasm of pain. But they are things I deal with fairly ok.  But sitting down seems to make my whole hip area hurt. I feel like I'm seizing up. It goes from the side of my hip right into my sadly not lean and sculpted backside.  

I'm OK walking around. I'm getting good with the crutches and getting better at moving in a more fluid way. I don't mean drunk. Sadly. But I'm relaxing a bit and trying to bend my leg at the knee, put weight through my foot properly. I started very stiff with a straight leg and an odd hip lift but am moving away from that. I get Kev to stand and watch me walking towards him and to critique my leg action.  The thrill he gets from doing that must be immense! Sometimes it feels tight. Sometimes it feels a little clunky. Sometimes it does feel as if the hip needs to lift over something.  And sometimes it just hurts at the front of the groin.  That's the place that usually results in me saying 'oh gosh that was surprisingly sore, dear me it hurts' Or similar with maybe a few more swear words thrown in.  My language has never been good at the best of times.  This past week if I'd had a swear box installed it would've cost me an effing fortune.

But generally walking round is ok. Doing my standing exercises is ok. Well no its not, they hurt. Quite a lot.  But you know they must be done and I am seeing an improvement in my range.  I can do stairs.  Not without being a bit breathless by the top but I can do them. I can go to the bathroom  (no poo today!). And I can dress myself. But sitting in a chair is beyond me for any length of time.  So bed has become my retreat.  Propped up in bed I'm OK.  I do my bed exercises. That's not a euphemism.  It is just leg exercises I do in bed. But I feel more comfortable.  I don't feel in danger of seizing up, and if I border on it I can do my leg slides to get some movement back.  My biggest concern is the battery dying on my tablet!

So there it is...despite feeling like a useless old woman, when it comes to finding somewhere that I can cope with the pain, I'm good in bed :) 

Day 3 post op, Homeward bound

Soooo I'll have lots of time at home to write my blog. Yeah right, but you'll be so fekking tired you won't know which way is up and will be incapable of doing anything. That little voice hadn't warned me just how knackering it is to do nothing!  So this is yesterday's blog today, apologies to my throngs of readers who were there eagerly anticipating my next installment. I've actually had over 1700 views on this blog thing which is lovely. Or scary if I've just got 6 readers in mega stalk mode!

Had a great night's sleep on Wednesday night, to the point of having to ask them to pop back  in 10 mins with my breakfast so I could wake up and get the leg working.  I definitely have to warm up before even getting out of bed.  But once up I felt pretty good.

Things got even better when one of the nurse assistants said she would help me have a shower. OMG the luxury of that. Feeling clean, hair washed...just amazing. At that point Clover (and how cool a name is that) became my most favourite person in the world. Even when I found out she's a Man Utd fan. And her husband is a barber responsible for some of the 'interesting' hair creations adorned by some of our prem footballers. 

Later I was shown how to use the bath board. Hmmmm can see me needing to waterproof the bathroom and not sure I'll be able to do without Kev but at least it's another hair wash option until I'm allowed to climb into the bath. Now wishing we'd remodelled the bathroom to fit a walk in shower. But if wishes....and all that.

Once that was done I was pretty much good to be released into the community. They checked my car seat...my Meriva is perfect, no cushion needed and got in pretty easily. So off for home. Exciting but scary. The team at the Alex have been so good and suddenly being cut loose is daunting. Now they say to limit your car journeys in the early days. Ever tried getting from Cheadle to Middlewich when the M6 has jammed solid and the A556 is crawling with roadworks? I was breaking rules already!

We got home around lunchtime but all I wanted to do was to lie on my bed. Sitting in a car when you have no functional bum muscles is bloody painful and ridiculously tiring. So I spent some time literally doing nothing more strenuous than reading texts and FB.  I had a craving for a jam butty and I swear a glass of milk has never tasted so good. And I did break open the Matchmakers :) 

I did my exercises which are so simple but such hard work. I like to think at the end of this I will have a beautifully lean sculpted arse. If I stay away from mirrors and tight jeans maybe I can keep the delusion going. I really wanted to watch the Liverpool game. You'd think I've been through enough this week wouldn't you. But I was determined. I went back to bed early evening to get some rest before the game at 8. Get some rest!! From doing hardly anything! I did move myself about a bit on my crutches but honestly I feel so lazy but was unbelievably tired. Kev had dinner timed for the start of the game...how great is that :)  The dinner was lovely, the game less so. And I fell asleep at the end. I could blame the codeine but that's unfair to the drugs. 

10pm and I was back in bed. The day had felt long and tiring. Coming home is a big deal and I'm already learning how patient I'm going to have to be. That'll be a task. My mantra is more 'God give me patience but give it to me now'  I want to not have to be asking Kev for help with everything but recognise where I need him and where I can do things for myself. I'm learning how to be a bit resourceful. When I dropped both a crutch and my grabber I used the remaining crutch to hook the other one. I'm learning it's OK to stand crutchless; I'm weight bearing and have to stop being scared of my new hip. I'm organised now with a bag so I can carry essentials with me (phone, tablet,  water bottle). Of course once I've gone either up or down stairs I remember something I've forgotten and Kev has been very patient. So far. I don't want to be putting his patience to the test.

Last night sleep was up and down. I find lying on my back uncomfortable. I was up moving in the night to ease my back. I just want to lie on my side which is what I've done for years to relieve back ache but I'm not allowed to. But having taken some paracetamol at 3am  I propped myself up a bit, woke a little around 7 but then slept til 8.30. And this morning I've washed, dressed, made porridge,  done exercises and done pretty much everything for myself. 

So into day 4 and feeling pretty ok.  Maybe I'll even stay awake enough to do today's blog today :)

Day 2 post op...backwards and forwards

Having had a great day yesterday I also got a good night's sleep. I turned in around 11, woke at 2.30 but fell back to sleep again. Woke at 4.30 and needed the loo so put lights on and 'warmed up' to get out of bed. Went OK but coming back and climbing onto the bed it hurt quite a bit.  I lay there deciding if I needed painkillers but fell back to sleep until I was woken by a nurse coming to take my blood pressure around 6am. She offered me a drink but I just wanted to go back to sleep,  which amazingly I did until around 7.20. As I woke I didn't feel great,  had a feeling of pressure on my chest, and just seemed to ache all over. My blood pressure was still low and a doctor came to check me over. They gave me an ECG and it was all OK though. So just told to keep drinking water. Which I'm doing and then peeing like demon for it!  For some stupid reason all of this hit me hard, and when I rang Kev I got a bit teary. It just felt that after such a good day yesterday it had all gone backward.

After breakfast the occupational therapist  (OT) appeared and I had the luxury of getting a wash and putting clothes on...yayyyyy Don't think I've ever felt so excited at a pair of joggers! It's quite a palaver getting them on mind. I've said I want to spare Kev the hassle of having to dress me, and have some independence but think I'll have to wait a bit and be prepared to swallow my pride a bit. This will kill me.  

Rebecca the physio also came by again and got me on the crutches, saying the frame was now history.  That was a bit scary. She got me doing stairs which are actually much easier than you'd think they'd be. We probably would have done more but when we got back to my room there was a man with a bed waiting to take me for x-rays.  I made him wait more while I went for a wee. Again. I would love a pound per pee, I'd be on a fortune by now!

So wheeled off to x-ray,  the worst bit being the lift there.  Apparently some people get claustrophobic so they have a mirrored wall at the back of the lift.  But when you're wheeled in feet first...jeez I looked like a beached whale. Does my arse look big in this bed? Too bloody right it does.  

Back from x-ray and Rebecca had kept her word and removed my frame.  I'm officially on day 2 now. Though having day 0 (operation day) as such a long one it feels like today should be 3.  But heck we'll keep with the official convention.  I had some lunch sitting in the chair which felt very civilised. After lunch I felt a bit light headed so got back on the bed and lay quietly for a bit. I knew Chris and Sammy were on their way to visit so just grabbed some down time while waiting. I couldn't decide if I felt a bit ill or just very tired.  I just know I didn't feel very 'me'.

They duly arrived complete with chocolates ☺ it was lovely seeing them and they got to be there, if not actually witness to, my big event of the day. Of course it's what everybody knows they have to do, it isn't always easy, some people take ages before they get there.  But I'd done it. I'd had a poo!! Every check up I've been asked if I've opened my bowels. Always makes me think of them like a village fete.  Like I should put bunting up and declare them open. I prefer more basic description. I had a poo, job done (should that be jobby?  Spellchecker doesn't like jobby!!)

Despite my obvious elation at the poo moment they still brought me down to earth with a drop in blood pressure. My pulse had gone up though. Obviously faecal related excitement! Drink more water...

Mr Hoad-Reddick appeared too..though I never got to share my poo news with him. But he said he'd seen my ECG and was fine but was off to find my haemoglobin result.

Chris and Sammy left and I settled for another kip (after another wee of course ) but then Kev appeared, shortly followed by a different physio. She got me doing my standing exercises, then took me for a longer walk, then doing more stairs. I was knackered by the end of it. Seriously knackered. I feel so unfit, ache all over, no puff, it was totally exhausting. She said I should do a bit more this evening. They're right -physios are evil! 

After tea I did some of the exercises. I feel like the new kid at the gym, barely able to do a thing.  I also went for another walk

And felt good. Until I got back to the bed. I tried to get on, I had to ask Kev to lift my leg. And it hurt. So I did the only thing I could. I just cried. In my head I know I'm doing OK.  I know this is the worst day and they refer to the day 2 blues with good reason but it was another step back. As soon as Kev had gone I rang that bell for codeine! Mr Hoad-Reddick  appeared  briefly to say both my xrays and haemoglobin were good so that cheered me up a bit. 

Since then I've been writing this but needed a wee...again! And decided to go for another stroll. Only one twinge. And I got back onto the bed without any hurt or crying. So another step forward...roll on day 3 ☺

What a difference a day makes

I was planning on catching up with some sleep but the person in the next room has their telly on VERY LOUDLY so I've decided to put fingers to keypad as I'm awake. And one of the reasons I'm so tired now is down to rather exhausting events last night.

Having ended yesterday's blog on quite a positive  note I had my patience and positivity put to the test. I had been half drifting to sleep when I was told the nurses were going to get me up at around 11pm.  So I was tired anyway, having been up since 5am. Though as Kev pointed out,  I had had some sleep later that morning. Anyway the nurses turned up as promised and as I needed to wee they decided they get me out of bed and onto a commode. They told me how to manoeuvre to the edge of the bed but that was easier said than done. The mattress slopes up to the edge, there's lots of friction on the bedclothes  and as I tried to move I had the most horrendous pain in my groin and incision area. I got to the edge of the bed but it bloody hurt.   I sat there for a bit getting my breath back but didn't feel faint. They did ask but I genuinely didn't.  I've done fainting enough and this wasn't it. I moved off the bed onto the frame then turned and went onto the commode and then it all changed.

I went really swimmy and shaky. I sat on the thing but was really struggling to focus.  (I did manage a wee though!) I was aware of the nurses grabbing the oxygen for me and putting a mask on my face. I was aware of being held up as I was doing my deep breathing. Next thing they were moving me back on the bed, and I was feeling sick. At that point I was aware that there were several other people in the room but was past caring as I sat there dry heaving for a bit then being sick. I was so past caring that I wasn't even bothered about the simultaneous farting; my muscles have gone, clenching wasn't going to happen. I did apologise but really couldn't have cared less at that point. After being sick I did feel a bit better, and appreciated the breeze coming in. At 11pm. In February.  In Cheadle.

My blood pressure had been low all day so no surprise it was low at this point. They also decided to run an ECG on me. Now what I didn't know at this point was who all the other people were who'd appeared in the room. I found out after it was a team who got paged if there was a possible problem and included an ICU doctor and nurse sister. Think I might have freaked out if I'd known. And amusingly the trigger to page them was my lack of response to the nurses questiins.  A state of emergency because I'd stopped talking, couldn't make it up! Anyway apparently I showed a T3 wave inversion. Some heart thing I have no idea about. I was hearing them saying they might want blood tests for a cardiac enzyme called troponin. This did start sounding a bit more heavy but in the end they ran another ECG later and the doctor was satisfied it was ok. I had blood pressure checked again and drip reinstated, then was able to try for some sleep; it was about 1am after all!

I did sleep, I was properly woken at about 4. 30 for blood pressure checks,  dosed off a bit after that until my next check about 2 hours later. At that point my blood pressure was even lower. They said once I'd got up, eaten something etc it should pick up but they did have a doctor checking over my notes, and also took bloods again.

I'd heard a lot of people say they lost their appetite after surgery. Not for me. The food here is ok and I'm bloody hungry. Anyway the blood pressure did creep up and I certainly felt a lot better. Which was good as I got my physio visit that morning.

Rebecca was great, no nonsense, there to get me working. She showed me a different way to get off the bed which was far easier. She'd also got me moving my leg a bit first before going in for the action. I got onto the frame and  she helped me go to the bathroom. Peeing in a toilet instead of a bedpan was heaven! The actual walking was very tough as the muscles in the bad leg just feel so tight and resistant.  It's not so much painful as uncomfortable, really heavy. You kind of know it all needs to loosen up but just wonder how.  She helped me back to the bed, a little harder to get bad leg up, but managed it with a little help. I was knackered but well chuffed. She knew Kev was due later that day and said as long as I didn't feel bad, she was happy I could go to the bathroom with him in attendance, on the basis he could call for assistance if need be. I was also able to sit on the edge of the bed at my table to eat. If only I'd been able to do that with my porridge at breakfast. Hadn't thought that one through when I'd ordered it!

So Kev duly showed and helped me to and from the bathroom. And to get my leg onto the bed. Again tiring but very satisfying. After he left I was really sleepy (at 3.30, old lady or what!) But any hope of sleep was dashed when Rebecca showed up again and this time waved my crutches at me. She got me out on the frame then straight away put me onto the crutches.  As before it felt tight but once we got going it felt great.  She walked me down the corridor and back, and this time I got back onto the bed with no help. I am superwoman!! Then it got even better when she said she was fine with me managing on my own to go to the bathroom and sit off the bed for meals. To have got to that stage just about 15 hours after my fainting/vomiting/farting exploits was just amazing and I was buzzing. I didn't feel 100%, had a little headiness but decided I was back to me but just a druggy version! Gotta love this morphine :)

Then another milestone. I injected myself!. I have said before how the thought terrified me but I knew I had to do it. And being superwoman today, why not go for it. Having had the technicalities of the protected needle system explained,  bringing back memories of the delightful Zoladex system I worked on, I was handed the syringe. Inserted in my now usefully flabby belly,  no problem,  no pain. Depressed plunger...shit, that stings. Was too careful and slow,  next time quicker and get the pain over more quickly. And then bugger it all, I withdrew without depressing fully and enabling the shield to come down. From superwoman  to sharps hazard in just a few seconds!

On top of that Mr Hoad-Reddick  popped in to see me and hinted I could go home tomorrow.  But that would be a pain as Kev is over his mum's and won't be here til late afternoon.  To be honest I will feel a bit safer with one more day under my belt. But just to have got this far is brilliant. I am so proud of myself as I can get wound up too easily but with this I have just been feeling positive, feeling pretty calm and overall feeling good. In fact the only downer has been taking the lid off my pudding tonight to find my chocolate pudding had turned into rhubarb crumble! Disaster, hope they rectify that tomorrow.

Since then I've been winding down. I'm on top of painkillers but didn't help the cause when a rather inelegant return to the bed seemed to catch me a bit. I also feel a wee bit light headed but hopefully a bit more to drink and a decent sleep might help.  The nurse has just appeared and said it's likely down to the morphine. And a mug of hot chocolate is on its way.  Today has been a good day.

The big day - the details

I've written  a nicer lighter version of my surgery day. I'm not repeating that here but the aim of this post is to give honest description of how I've found the big day, what I actually went through. Bits are not pretty (don't worry, no pics) and bodily functions are described. I am certainly NOT trying to put anybody off. On the basis of today I would recommend this. But I just want to put things out there so people know what they can expect, and doing it while fresh in my mind, with no later hindsight or context. It is simply what I've been through today.

Just one point of clarity upfront, I am in the UK and going private through work insurance. And the approach my surgeon used is the posterior.  That may make a difference for many of you reading this.

My 'check in' couldn't have been smoother. Arrived at 7,  in my room almost right away, and visited by nurses, orderlies,  anaesthetist and surgeon. Everything was clearly explained. We went through all my details many times. It does get tedious but they have to do it. I had my temperature and blood pressure taken but other than that it was very laid back. I was getting nervy but not nearly as bad as I'd thought I'd be.

I was walked down to theatre as I'm not that bad for pain. I was shown into a kind of holding area where I met a young lad having wisdom teeth out. Again it was more waiting and chatting with a guy who seemed to be some kind of check in at that area. Then Andy appeared. He is part of the anaesthetists team and went through my forms again. Deja vu again!  I couldn't resist asking his football allegiance and of course he was a Utd fan. Moth to a flame, me! It was good having some banter as it took my mind off things as we went into the ante-theatre room where the anaesthetic fun starts.

I'd been told I would have cannula inserted in my hand, then the spinal and then sedation in that order. I was dreading the cannula especially as they had me sitting on the edge of the bed. With needles I'm better lying down as I'm prone to fainting,  but I was in the position ready for the spinal. It did hurt but they couldn't get it in first time so I had to go through it twice. It's sore, can't deny it. And I swore as they did it. Bad Lynda but I needed to let it out!

Then the spinal. The worst bit of this was the stinging local anaesthetic they gave me. Then I just felt some pushing as they sited the needle. This took a couple of attempts but wasn't painful, more stressful as I was worried they couldn't get it in right and I'd need a general. But all of a sudden I felt a rush of warmth and it was all systems go. They left it 5-10 mins to let it work. First I lost the ability to lift my legs and wiggle my toes, then I became desensitised to the ice spray. They said the sedative would come as I went into theatre.  To get me ready they had to roll me onto my good side, which involved making sure my arms were in a comfy position, especially my hand with the cannula in.  Then I was in the recovery room!

I really had no recollection of anything.  They said I slept nicely through, no chatting  (most unlike me!). I woke feeling only a little drowsy in a lazy way. No headache, no nausea,  no fatigue,  and no feeling of any time having passed. I would seriously say to anybody worried about spinal and sedation to think again. It was brilliant. I had gone to theatre about 8.30 and was back in my room about 3 hours later. And I felt good.

But before moving on I will say about a downside of spinal that I hadn't been warned about. Because you lose sensation you can have an 'accident'.  Almost as soon as I was back in my room it was obvious I'd had one and they had to change my sheets. They were great and I didn't feel too bad; they'd seen this all before and after having kids I have minimal inhibitions. It actually happened a second time but they were so caring and efficient it wasn't the big problem it might sound. And beats the puking and weeks of fatigue I had with general.

Later things improved and I was able to call for the bedpan. I filled it pretty impressively too which I was glad about as no need for catheter.  I had enough with the calf pumps to want more intervention.

I didn't and don't/won't be getting compression socks. I have these cuff things round my calves which auto inflate every minute or so. I also have exercises to do,  pretty basic ones of flexing my feet up and down,  turning my ankles in circles, pushing my knee into the bed,  and squeezing the glutes. The physio also popped in to give me another..,sliding my heel of operated leg up the bed. That sounds easy but god it's hard work. My leg feels so heavy.

In terms of pain,  it's pretty much restricted to my incision area.  In the recovery room I initially had no feeling in my legs but gradually I was aware of a draggy feeling in the incision area. That then turned into pain at which point they gave me some stronger painkillers which did kick in after a short while.  Through the day the pain has come and gone but I'm being given painkillers to manage it and I'm certainly not climbing the walls as I had been. My anaesthetist and surgeon have both seen me and said it's entirely  normal. And this being the UK no mention of ice!

The physio said she'd be back to get me up when my leg numbness had totally worn off and my blood pressure ok (has been a little low,  nothing serious). So far she hasn't come and it looks like one of the nurses will do that instead. But it's nearly 10pm now so really not sure what's happening. But with the leg cuffs, the blood pressure monitoring and the wait on drugs,  plus an impending need for bedpan I can't see much sleep on the cards.

So all in all a good day. Despite the wee mishaps and the pain that really is manageable and only to be expected, I feel good. I feel I can cope. I feel positive. My story won't be the same for everybody but I hope that maybe it does help a few people get a real view of how things might go.

The big day - the nicer side

I have some time on my hands now so it's blog time. I've decided to do a 2 for 1 deal here. A ' nornal' post for anyone to read and hopefully enjoy, and another more aimed at hippies to be that will be honest and a bit more detailed on the process,  what has happened  today and may not be such pleasant reading for many.
THIS IS THE NON NASTY VERSION SO NON HIPPIE PEOPLE ARE SAFE TO CARRY ON READING 

A lovely early start, up at 5, after not a great night's sleep, but still feeling relatively calm. We set off at 6 and had the radio on in the car with Sara Cox on, asking what superhero you'd be if you could.  I couldn't resist and sent in a text.  Said I was going to be Titanium  Woman as I was on my way for a hip replacement and 2 minutes later she's reading it out and wishing me well. Well chuffed :)

We got to the hospital just before 7 and were quickly taken to my room. First good sign...room number 23, number of the legend Jamie Carragher. Yes I am sad enough to think that way.  Nerves were starting to kick in so I was relieved to be told I was up first and would be heading to theatre around 8.30. They do their best to distract you from nerves by asking you to confirm details for forms.  Over and over and over again...! I've never interacted with so many people that early in such a short space of time. Barely got time to change into the lovely gown and paper knickers.

Sure enough I was soon going for a stroll to the waiting area by theatre. I'd already met Sarah my anaesthetist but then I also met Andy who works with her. Turns out he's a Man Utd fan so we settled into some  banter...a bit dangerous for me considering what I was relying on him for. He did agree that I was doing a great job of making the next patients seem so much more pleasant having had me to deal with!

I hate needles so having the cannula put in was as horrible as expected, but the spinal bit was ok. I'm not sure when the sedative was put in, some time after the spinal stuff kicked in. I remember them rolling me onto my side...next thing I was waking in the recovery room and felt like no time at all had passed. I felt a little drowsy, none of the fatigue I'd had after general anaesthetic last time. I actually felt really good.  I did start developing pain in the area around the incision but they gave me some good drugs :)  That pain is to be expected. Hardly surprising given they sliced through my muscles and inserted a chunk of titanium into my thigh bone.  But apparently  it all went well, no problems, all as he'd hoped and he's done shedloads of these.

I was back in my room around 11.30, and enjoying a mint tea soon after. It was back to the endless stream of people monitoring me and keeping an eye on my pain. More of the strong drugs with paracetamol in between. On the upside I got my lunch and a really nice evening meal  (chicken supreme main and I claimed the hot raspberry sponge with custard as meeting one of my 5 a day!). That was set against the dreaded blood thinner injection which stung like hell. I have pump things inflating over my calves which is getting annoying now.  Especially when I'm trying to do the exercises I've been given and it starts squeezing at that moment. The physio said she was coming to get me out of bed. That was a while ago now so not sure if it'll happen tonight. Oh and bedpansee.  Don't worry, no details but did feel an achievement!

I've been unsurprisingly Facebooking loads. So many people have been so supportive. I've learnt so much from people who've had theirs,  so hope I can do the same for others waiting to go through surgery. I even felt brave enough to put a post-op selfie out there.

And I even found time to have a total blonde moment. It involved a glass of pineapple juice. Which fizzed when I drank it. It wasn't meant to fizz. It didn't look fizzy. It didn't even taste fizzy. But I could hear it. Then it dawned on me that as the glass was against my face it amplified the noise of my oxygen in my nose tubes! 

All in all I'd be lying to say it's a breeze. At the end of the day it's major surgery. It's very invasive.  And yes it hurts now.  The latest exercise I've been given is hard work. But I do genuinely feel good. I'm accepting I have to deal with pain and put the effort in. I'm also resting; it's funny how many people have told me to do that as if they think I won't. Note to self, make more effort to look lazy in future ☺

The day before...

Well it's less than 12 hours until I'm due at the hospital. I really thought by now I would be an emotional mess but I've been surprisingly calm.  It's helped that I've slept well despite the sore ribs. Yes that bloody cough is still here driving me nuts. It's a bit crazy; tomorrow I'm having major surgery on my hip but it's a cough that's bothering me more.

Friday was a bit stressy as it was my last working day. I did just about get everything done though late afternoon got a bit fun as people were pinging me on the instant messenger to wish me luck, and offer to come round to visit. I really hadn't expected that so it was lovely...albeit a little distracting but at least for all the right reasons.

Saturday was spent washing, packing, sorting stuff out.  And having a laugh at Man Utd losing to Sunderland. I also went all domestic and made some soup to freeze down for use when I'm back home. In the afternoon I had a play with the gadgets the hospital gave me. When I say 'gave' I mean handed to me and then sent me a bill later! I found out the odd shape of the long handled sponge is for my toes and feet. I was wondering where to stick it! And the fluffy bicycle seat is a sock puller-onner. And it works and I got stupidly excited about it! 

Today my expected meltdown so far hasn't happened.  Undoubtedly helped by Liverpool winning 6-0. Six! And six different scorers. Even Kolo Toure. Though that was less scoring a goal as having the ball hit his head on the way into the net. And it was all against an abysmal Aston Villa. But hey we won 6-0, I'm happy. Apart from that a quiet day.  A trip out this morning to get 2 new tyres, then more housey stuff. I was really conscious of the fact that a lot of what I was doing was really basic stuff that I won't be able to do for several weeks. And I ended the day with something I won't be able to do for about 12 weeks. Lie in a bath. I love my baths,  I'm not good at relaxing and lying in a bath means I have to switch off. But I won't be allowed to. And as I dried off I was half dancing round the bathroom,  something else I won't be able to do in any room, even with clothes on.

So I've had my hot chocolate and a toasted hot cross bun.  All being well (still not tempting fate!), the next time I have anything to eat will be when I'm lying in a hospital bed, the proud owner of a nice new hip joint. I am quite excited about it all in an odd way. I really really want to be positive about it all. I'm reading about experiences of members of the FB groups and while some are inspiring, there are others that are a bit scary.  Mostly I do feel quite positive but I worry that I won't live up to it.  I know down days are allowed.  I know some days will not be so good. But I want to be one of the people that others see as a success story. Maybe it's vanity but I get a buzz from people saying I have a good attitude. I feel good if people see me as being positive, cheerful, helpful...whether that's at work or in a FB forum.  Don't get me wrong...I can whinge with the best of them.  My husband will testify to that.  But if I'm blogging this I have to have some fun. I want people to read and smile,  not be driven to slitting their wrists. Unless of course they're Utd fans! So watch this space, my next update should be my first post op one and I'm hoping it's a good 'un :)

Richard Branson v penguins

It has been another stressy work day but I'm putting that down to the fact I'm so close to finishing now. And to be fair I did get several major tick box things done. Including my goals in workday...which will mean nothing to most readers of this blog who don't  work with me, but allows me to be slightly smug for those that do :)

But today I'm winding down with a more lighthearted update as I was in danger of depressing myself.  I'm a Liverpool fan. That's been depressing enough this week.  And the ticket price turnaround doesn't even help as I don't get to matches anyway. In fact by not going to games I'm saving less now than I would be if they'd put prices up.

But I've lost the plot again now. Football has nothing to do with this.  A visit to India has though.  Back in August I went on a business trip to India.  I was a bit scared about going as I don't like hot food.  I don't mean I prefer mild curries. I mean I cannot cope with anything with a hint of hot. A dab of mustard, the tiniest bit of pepper. I can't take it. To me a korma is hot. I just don't do hot food. And I went to India,  I know...! Anyway I was well looked after and plied with plain sandwiches at lunch and chocolates throughout the day. All was great. Until my final day when I found myself in desperate need of a wee between meetings.  Being the considerate soul that I am I didn't want to delay things more than necessary so pretty much set off at a run to the toilets. And went full on into a plate glass door. It made a very loud noise,  though didn't break, and my legs turned into Bambi on ice. I was staggering round as most of the office came running to my aid.  I was given an ice pack for my head,  which was great as the bruise that came up on my knee was a belter and one of those across my forehead would have made me look really dumb. In a way that headbutting a glass door obviously doesn't!   I had a headache for the rest of the day. And the flight home that evening. That was galling as I was declining free Emirates hospitality champers. And with my head still spinning next day I ended up at the doctor's being told I'd got concussion. And there was me worried about coming home with a dodgy tum.

So that was a few months back and apart from it coming up in conversation on a team lunch last week I have now lived that one down.  Then today somebody at work messaged me to tell me that Richard Branson had walked into a glass door. But he'd needed 3 stitches. And he (work colleague, not Mr Branson) had thought of my incident and thought it would cheer me up to hear that he (Mr Branson) was worse than me!

It was nice to hear that seeing as how I'd come off worse in a comparison last night. I was watching a programme that goes behind the scenes at Chester zoo. One of my favourite places and special as I got married there. Yes, honestly I got married in a zoo and I guarantee I will have heard every side splitting joke about that.  In the latest episode they were focusing on a penguin called Rud.  Rud is 22 years old which is the equivalent of 66 in human years. He waddles worse than other penguins as he has arthritis.  But when they x-rayed him his hip looks OK.  Mine doesn't.  I don't waddle but my hip looks a mess on an x-ray.  So while I may be better with head injuries than multi millionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, I am radiologically in worse shape than a geriatric penguin! Shoot me now!

I'm not fine

Don't worry, this post isn't total gloom'n'doom that the title might suggest. But it does suggest I should steer clear of a career in songwriting.  If the Beatles had gone down that route instead of feeling fine it could all have been so very different. But hey they managed hits with egg men and walruses, and don't forget Ringo in his Octopus's Garden. Actually let's forget that one.  Please. I'll have that as an earworm now.  And the last 24ish hours have been bad enough.

Yesterday afternoon after working all day at home I went to get my hair cut. Just as I was about to go in my phone beeped.  There was a voice mail and a warning my battery was about to die. I quickly played the message to hear it was Kim at the hospital telling me to phone as soon as possible. OK that's not at all panic inducing when I was physically unable to make the call. So I sat and had my hair washed and cut and tried to think positive thoughts.  When I got home I charged phone,  replayed message in full and realised I had to phone the pre-op suite. But they had now closed.  OK stay calm. If they were cancelling it would be my surgeon's assistant calling. The pre-op people must be calling regarding the bloods I was due to have today.

So just an evening to go without dwelling on it. As it was my mind was distracted  (and we all know how easy that is! ) by a very sore throat.  By the time I went to bed after taking paracetamol and gargling with salt water I had half convinced myself I had tonsillitis and the op would be postponed.  Luckily though I had a decent night's sleep and woke up without feeling like I'd swallowed razor blades.  Wow some minor optimism poking through. Still got the cough from hell and the agony in my ribs mind.

Anyway, 8am I rang the hospital. The lady I spoke to said Kim wasn't in until lunchtime but she couldn't see what was wrong. She said my bloods looked ok, and to come in as normal this afternoon. So I just got on with work.  Now I have a few things to finish off this week which would be much easier if people didn't chuck other stuff in the mix. I do love my job, which is just as well as the last couple of years have been intense to say the least.  And I like most of the people I work with most of the time. Yes there are moments when I just want to slap somebody but that is forbidden under our Code of Conduct. For a flexible organisation  that cares about our wellbeing I do think sometimes being able to let loose with an occasional bit of mindless violence could have therapeutic  benefits. I think there are people you can pay for that sort of thing but that definitely will fall outside company rules!  But mostly I'm on good terms and fairly well behaved with my colleagues. And when people say 'how are you' then 'I'm fine thanks' is a pretty  bog standard reply. Except today I couldn't bring myself to say that. I said I felt stressy. Maybe it was subliminal coding for 'don't even think of asking me anything difficult right now'. I'm usually that girl who cant say no. At work obviously I mean. I like helping people. But this week it's beating me.  I can't take on more. My head will explode. And it's bad enough having ribs about to do that. So I'm learning, at long last,  to say no.

Work hasn't been the worst of it today. I got a second call from the hospital at lunchtime. Turns out I have a urinary infection and there's a prescription waiting for me. Nothing to worry about, she spoke to my GP and my surgeon and it's all fine and won't affect Monday.  But apparently  she wasnt allowed to leave a meesage.  So im not allowed to be told I have some little bugs and some nice pills will sort me out, but I can spend an evening not knowing what might be wrong.  It brought back memories of a previous visit to the doctor's  when I'd had a coil change. I got a call to come back to the surgery 2 days later, turned up at the desk and got one of the receptionists look all awkward then tell me in a kind of stage whisper 'you've got an infection'. She had the style of Les Dawson in his Cissy/Ada guise and everybody near the desk heard. I felt I should slink out in shame.

Anyway I had 35 mins before my next meeting so dashed off to the doctor's.  The lady at the desk couldn't find a prescription and said it might have gone through directly to the pharmacy next door but she would check on the computer. Except she couldn't as it was being used by another receptionist and a patient with no brain. Honestly. She was talking to him like a 5 year old and he couldn't seem to understand anything. I had conversations with my kids like that but this was a grown man. My urge to slap was rising. As was my desire to scream at him to fekk off and let me get at the computer. The lady trying to help me must have read my mind (scary thought) and basically pushed in to check my notes and confirmed my prescription was next door.  So drugs obtained I headed back home to work. 

Managed to survive without too many murderous thoughts though did take opportunity to vent at a friend online for no reason other than they were there and I could. Luckily I had to leave for the hospital so spared them further torment.  We got to the hospital early but they got me seen early by Kim.  Her with the secret messages. She did a great job of taking my blood and was suitably reassuring about my throat.  I think now it's likely the ventolin that's irritated my throat and as it's done cock all in easing the cough I'm packing it in. After the hospital we stopped at Pizza Express..,we had a voucher and it might be the last time for a while I can sit out to eat. But I couldn't relax. I was seriously worrying about picking up a cold or something. Kev suggested avoiding traffic home by going for a drink but I couldn't face it. I just wanted to get home to my little isolation bubble.  I want to wrap myself up and hide until Monday morning.  My hip has been hurting more today.  My ribs hurt. My throat hurts. I'm not a fan of mirrors at the best of times - there's this old wrinkled woman in them. But today she looked ancient, skin a mess, big black circles under the eyes.  I'm feeling shit to be honest (hey my spellchecker is getting to know me...shit was no problem then! ).  So 2 more days at work.  I'll try to be nice. But I might just not be fine