Day 5, mixed up feelings

Tempting fate? Pride going before a fall? Whatever, ending my last post with a comment about my bed being good turns out to have been some kind of inverse prophecy as I had my worst night so far. I'd got my pillows sorted so I could lie more comfortably, and I wasn't woken with pains in my back as I have other nights. But last night the restless legs thing kicked in. I say kicked. Twitched really. On my bad side this meant a simple twitch turned into a shooting pain in the front of my groin. On the left it wasn't painful, just bloody annoying.  I'm spending half my night waving my left leg around trying to ease things. What would really help would be to lie on my side but I'm not allowed to do that.  If I roll onto my side my incision will split open and my new joint will force itself out. Or something like that.  And once you're awake feeling like that the night lasts a very long time. Thankfully one of the FB groups  I'm in has a good US contingent so I can go whinge at people who don't even know me but know what I'm going through.

So a rough night. And during today I'm struggling with what I'm feeling in my hip. On one hand I am moving better. Kev has been telling me to slow down now and again. Once I'm on the move it's quite good, but I'm feeling as if my new right hip is set a little higher. There's a lot said about people ending up with uneven leg length, and I don't think it's that bad but it does just feel as if my leg now has to do a little lift to move forward. That in itself isn't painful, just feels weird. A bit alien. Like I'm really aware I've got this new thing in there that's meant to be part of me but doesn't quite fit in.  I'm getting achey spells and I'm tying myself in knots trying to figure out if it's proper pain or just muscle building back up. I originally hurt round the incision area. Now I'm getting pain in the front of the groin, my knee, and also at very top of the back of my thigh. I've knocked the codeine out of my drug routine and am trying to manage with just paracetamol and ibuprofen. I know I have to keep on top of the pain,  it's the one thing that's drilled into you in hospital, take the drugs before you get that you're climbing the walls needing them. But codeine does have the side effect of constipation. And I really can do without that. Having said that,  I started writing this without having managed to declare my bowels open since Thursday, but a few lines back I actually took a number 2 break. Seriously the matter of poo becomes a far more elevated topic than it really deserves. It's not like I've got a South Park style singing and dancing Mr Hankey (and yes I really did just Google to see if Hankey had the 'e' or not!).  Anyway I'm keeping on top of the pain but feeling very mixed up about just what I'm feeling. Is it just tightness? And how quick can I loosen it and feel better? 

It doesn't help that it's swollen up as I was warned it would. My legs are huge at the best of times. I have horrible tree trunk thighs. Thankfully not covered in moss or anything but bIoody big.  Far too big. And today they've gone gargantuan.  I often slob round in joggers at home. I bought some more for this recovery time. But the pair I tried to put on today were still tight. Do you know how bloody depressing it is when even the baggy stuff clings?

In this pic you can see my right leg (on the left as you're looking) kind of bulges out at the top much further. I'd love to blame a bulky dressing but all I have is a thin strip of dressing. It just feels like I'm being gripped round the thigh. And have weights inside it. 

Despite feeling pretty shite in some ways,  I am also notching up some steps forward. I'm definitely getting more movement when I do my exercises. And as I said,  I'm walking better. Today I stood to wash dishes and moved round the kitchen more. But I'm still some way from feeling confident as I was last time. And while I'm trying to accept that we all recover at different  speeds I admit I feel competitive and then bad when I'm not as far ahead as others are. I had visions of me being one of those people who'd breeze through it all, be down to one crutch quite quickly. It's not even a week yet but I've already had demoralised days, especially when it feels more tight and painful than the day before. And when I feel I'm actually a little bit scared of it.

We had another minor setback when it came to hair washing. Today was the maiden voyage of the bath board. Or it should have been. The bath board is a plastic board that sits across the bath. Then I sit on the board, shuffle back, swivel round and can use the shower while I sit there. The board is not wide. My arse is. Putting the two together with 2 fully functional limbs is a scary prospect. Now make one of the limbs sore and only movable within certain limits.  And expand the aforementioned wide arse. And as a final touch have the board not quite sit securely. No way was I  going near it.  So Kev hauled up a dining chair and my cushion and gave my hair a back wash. Our relationship is reaching levels we've never gone to before and quite frankly I'd rather we didn't have to again but dry shampoo just isn't the same.

To end on a good note, I am genuinely chuffed by the people commenting on my blog.  Last night in particular at around 4.30 am when I was feeling pretty rubbish,  I read some lovely things that made me blush and smile. Thank you Mr HR  (you know who you are even if that abbreviation does make you sound like you head up the personnel  department) nice to have you and COP  as 2 of my 6 :)  And if the tonic doesn't work I know where to ask for the gin!