Yesterday afternoon after working all day at home I went to get my hair cut. Just as I was about to go in my phone beeped. There was a voice mail and a warning my battery was about to die. I quickly played the message to hear it was Kim at the hospital telling me to phone as soon as possible. OK that's not at all panic inducing when I was physically unable to make the call. So I sat and had my hair washed and cut and tried to think positive thoughts. When I got home I charged phone, replayed message in full and realised I had to phone the pre-op suite. But they had now closed. OK stay calm. If they were cancelling it would be my surgeon's assistant calling. The pre-op people must be calling regarding the bloods I was due to have today.
So just an evening to go without dwelling on it. As it was my mind was distracted (and we all know how easy that is! ) by a very sore throat. By the time I went to bed after taking paracetamol and gargling with salt water I had half convinced myself I had tonsillitis and the op would be postponed. Luckily though I had a decent night's sleep and woke up without feeling like I'd swallowed razor blades. Wow some minor optimism poking through. Still got the cough from hell and the agony in my ribs mind.
Anyway, 8am I rang the hospital. The lady I spoke to said Kim wasn't in until lunchtime but she couldn't see what was wrong. She said my bloods looked ok, and to come in as normal this afternoon. So I just got on with work. Now I have a few things to finish off this week which would be much easier if people didn't chuck other stuff in the mix. I do love my job, which is just as well as the last couple of years have been intense to say the least. And I like most of the people I work with most of the time. Yes there are moments when I just want to slap somebody but that is forbidden under our Code of Conduct. For a flexible organisation that cares about our wellbeing I do think sometimes being able to let loose with an occasional bit of mindless violence could have therapeutic benefits. I think there are people you can pay for that sort of thing but that definitely will fall outside company rules! But mostly I'm on good terms and fairly well behaved with my colleagues. And when people say 'how are you' then 'I'm fine thanks' is a pretty bog standard reply. Except today I couldn't bring myself to say that. I said I felt stressy. Maybe it was subliminal coding for 'don't even think of asking me anything difficult right now'. I'm usually that girl who cant say no. At work obviously I mean. I like helping people. But this week it's beating me. I can't take on more. My head will explode. And it's bad enough having ribs about to do that. So I'm learning, at long last, to say no.
Work hasn't been the worst of it today. I got a second call from the hospital at lunchtime. Turns out I have a urinary infection and there's a prescription waiting for me. Nothing to worry about, she spoke to my GP and my surgeon and it's all fine and won't affect Monday. But apparently she wasnt allowed to leave a meesage. So im not allowed to be told I have some little bugs and some nice pills will sort me out, but I can spend an evening not knowing what might be wrong. It brought back memories of a previous visit to the doctor's when I'd had a coil change. I got a call to come back to the surgery 2 days later, turned up at the desk and got one of the receptionists look all awkward then tell me in a kind of stage whisper 'you've got an infection'. She had the style of Les Dawson in his Cissy/Ada guise and everybody near the desk heard. I felt I should slink out in shame.
Anyway I had 35 mins before my next meeting so dashed off to the doctor's. The lady at the desk couldn't find a prescription and said it might have gone through directly to the pharmacy next door but she would check on the computer. Except she couldn't as it was being used by another receptionist and a patient with no brain. Honestly. She was talking to him like a 5 year old and he couldn't seem to understand anything. I had conversations with my kids like that but this was a grown man. My urge to slap was rising. As was my desire to scream at him to fekk off and let me get at the computer. The lady trying to help me must have read my mind (scary thought) and basically pushed in to check my notes and confirmed my prescription was next door. So drugs obtained I headed back home to work.
Managed to survive without too many murderous thoughts though did take opportunity to vent at a friend online for no reason other than they were there and I could. Luckily I had to leave for the hospital so spared them further torment. We got to the hospital early but they got me seen early by Kim. Her with the secret messages. She did a great job of taking my blood and was suitably reassuring about my throat. I think now it's likely the ventolin that's irritated my throat and as it's done cock all in easing the cough I'm packing it in. After the hospital we stopped at Pizza Express..,we had a voucher and it might be the last time for a while I can sit out to eat. But I couldn't relax. I was seriously worrying about picking up a cold or something. Kev suggested avoiding traffic home by going for a drink but I couldn't face it. I just wanted to get home to my little isolation bubble. I want to wrap myself up and hide until Monday morning. My hip has been hurting more today. My ribs hurt. My throat hurts. I'm not a fan of mirrors at the best of times - there's this old wrinkled woman in them. But today she looked ancient, skin a mess, big black circles under the eyes. I'm feeling shit to be honest (hey my spellchecker is getting to know me...shit was no problem then! ). So 2 more days at work. I'll try to be nice. But I might just not be fine
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