Today is 6 weeks before my right hip replacement, and was my first day back at work since Christmas eve. Going into work was the furthest I've driven in that time too and it's a journey that my hip thinks is about 10 minutes too long. I was tired anyway as between my hip hurting and husband snoring I had a rough night sleep wise. Oh and then there's menopausal sweaty moments to add into the mix. I really could have done with an extra half day in bed. Anyway feeling that way I took advantage of new temporary blue badge to let me park outside the front of the building. Might as well make the most of any perks going :)
The last few days have been pretty good. I've had a couple of days not needing the handrail going upstairs and I've managed the 'no-hands knickers' when getting dressed. When I got out of the car today though I was feeling it again. I did try walking stickless down the office today but lost my nerve after doing that just once. That in itself is frustrating me as often I think the fear of pain is as damaging as the pain itself. I knew after my arthroscopy that I had got scared of my own hip and was worried about getting like that again. For a while it didn't seem a problem but I'm facing up to it now...I am scared of my own hip. I'm scared of it hurting, I'm scared of it collapsing under me. I know I use my stick for security which in itself isn't a bad thing but it feels as if something else has been taken out of my own control and I really don't like that feeling.
I decided to do some shopping tonight after work. Primary reason was to buy some trainers without laces that I can wear after surgery. I'd seen some in pink and purple but they'd sold out. I ended up with some that are dark blue with turquoise trim. Kev took great delight in pointing out they're in Man City away kit colours! While it was good to go out I was feeling it hurting a bit and I know I'm trying to get on and ignore it; I can be a stubborn cow when I want! But it was also frustrating as I saw some lovely shoes and clothes that I just felt there was no point even thinking of. The trip was doubly frustrating as I was back fasting today (8lbs gained over the holidays! !) and there were loads of new food outlets that I had to ignore. At least I'm not premenstrual...if I was I think I could easily have killed for a pair of red stilettos and a Krispy Kreme doughnut!
So...this post seems to have a had a lot of frustration but I do have to end on a good note (it works for Russell Howard). One positive thing out of all this is that I feel I'm much more likely to stick to my resolve not to work stupid hours as I did last year. I left at 4.45 to go shopping and for 2 days a week I'll be car sharing so will have to leave sensibly. I'm also determined not to rush back to work too early. I would rather come back a bit earlier part-time than be away longer but then full on into work. This year is going to be more about looking after me. Amazing what a few inches of titanium can do :)
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